Inconceivable
by Junebugsm
Summary: Stef, inconceivably cheats on Lena who catches her, and now Stef must figure out what happened that night and find a way to explain it to Lena.
1. Chapter 1

**Stef, inconceivably cheats on Lena who catches her, and now Stef must figure out what happened that night and find a way to explain it to Lena.**

(A request by a guest with a lot of support, help and suggestions from maggie . tirado1. Takes place during the episode PLAY (203) right after Stef leaves Lena in the tub she heads to the bar instead of the fire-pit.)

* * *

**Author's Note:**

I've had a few requests and suggestion about doing one where Stef cheats on Lena but since I couldn't quite get that idea to settle well, maggie . tirado1 helped me figure out a way to get around it. I hope this meets your expectations - whoever requested it.

I'm pregnant, my mom broke her foot and my dad is about to have minor brain surgery so updates may not be as regular as they usually are but I'll try to update once every two or three days so bare with me.

Thanks for the support.

Love Junebug.

* * *

Stef had no idea what Lena was talking about. All she'd done was strike up a conversation with her masseuse so she had no idea what had upset Lena. But still, she knew she had to go in there and try to patch things up. She'd apologize and hopefully in the course of the conversation she'd figure out what really had Lena so upset.

"Mind if I join you?" Stef asked, entering the bathroom and finding Lena soaking in the tub already. She sat on the edge and reached out for Lena's hand when she didn't respond. "Listen, I thought about what you said and you're right, we should watch Breakfast on Tiffany." She said seriously before she herself laughed, hoping it would be enough to get Lena out of the mood she was in. But obviously it wasn't enough because instead of laughing with her Lena just gave her that look of disappointment that she hated so damn much.

"You know I think... um... we should just go home." Lena said, much to Stef's disappointment.

"Alright, what's wrong?" Stef asked directly.

"We need to connect." Lena explained.

"I am trying." Stef sighed.

"No, you're not." Lena said, trying to convey that Stef's attempts weren't even close to enough.

"What do you want me to do?" Stef asked in defeat. She would give Lena just about anything but she had no idea what it was that Lena wanted.

"I want you to talk to me about something other than money, or the kids." Lena explained.

"Why don't you talk to me?" Stef asked, wondering how she was supposed to talk about something she hadn't even thought about yet. If Lena had something in mind then it was up to her to bring it up.

"Because half the time I really don't think you're listening." Lena answered honestly.

That answer really upset Stef, because here she was, trying to figure out what was going on and Lena was accusing her of just the opposite. "So when I don't talk it's my fault and when you don't talk it's my fault too." She said in resignation. "I get it, it's all on me, I'm the one that's failing in this relationship."

"I didn't say that." Lena tried to amend.

But it was too late. "Well that's how it feels." Stef said as Lena looked away.

Both women realized that they needed time to just get their thoughts together before they got into a full blown fight. Stef walked away to get changed and go somewhere else, anywhere but here while Lena waited to hear the room door close, signaling Stef's departure, before she too padded out of the bathroom to change.

* * *

"They are a couple." Inca whispered in disgust to her friend Andrea who manned the bar.

"Are you sure?" Andrea asked curiously.

"She told me." Inca continued to whisper. She was sitting at the bar while Andrea was getting things ready for the night. It was still empty in the bar, being just after six and they had at least an hour before any customers arrived so they were chatting away. "And they have five kids." She continued.

"Five?" Andrea asked, suddenly imagining two rather old women.

Just then the door opened, distracting the women and the person that fumed in was none other than Stef.

"That's one of them." Inca quickly whispered before disappearing out of the bar, knowing that she wasn't supposed to be in there when customers were around.

Andrea stared at Stef in complete shock - this woman looked nothing like she had imagined. She was young. Not as young as Andrea herself but still not fifty or sixty like she'd imagined when she'd heard that they had five kids. Andrea watched her curiously as she filled Stef's drink, realizing that the woman was mad about something and was drowning her sorrows in the bar.

She'd never admitted it to anyone but she'd often wondered what it would be like to be with a woman. She wouldn't call herself gay exactly but she'd always been curious, just never bold enough to actually act on that curiosity.

But now, watching Stef, she wanted to know what it was like. To have another woman do things to her that no guy had ever managed to do successfully, to give back to that woman and watch as she had the power to completely control her. She wondered what this woman's lover was like - who she was and what she looked like. She decided to try and strike up a conversation with her.

But her attempts were fruitless for Stef had absolutely no inclination in doing anything other than drink. She'd barely been there fifteen minutes and was already sliding her class back for a refill. It was going to be a long night if this was how it was going to continue and she needed something to get her through.

As Andrea watched her she became more and more curious and she finally did something she never imagined she'd do in her entire life. She carefully crushed a little white pill that she had secretly kept a few weeks ago when a drunk man was searched for drugs, and put it into Stef's drink when the glass returned for a third fill. One way or another she was going to get the answers she wanted - she'd waited almost thirty years to learn about this and this just might be her only opportunity.

Twenty minutes later the bar was still empty. Andrea had managed to get Stef to open up and with strategic questioning she'd moved the conversation over from someone named Lena to the answers she was looking for. Stef was now describing all the different things she and Lena had tried over the years and what she herself liked and didn't like and without really knowing what was happening she offered to actually _show_ Andrea what she was talking about.

Andrea moved over to the other side of the counter and soon clothes were being discarded and Andrea was having the time of her life. Neither woman heard the door open or the curly haired brunette walk in and stop dead in her tracks at the sight of two blonds, naked and completely tangled together.


	2. Chapter 2

Lena was completely stunned at what she found. She'd walked around a bit looking for Stef after she'd had some time to cool down. She'd checked the pool, the gym and the beach and then headed to the bar. She expected to find Stef there but she hadn't expected to find her with her face buried in some woman's naked crotch.

"Stef?" Lena said questioningly, still unable to process what she was seeing.

"Lena!" Stef smiled excitedly as she looked up from her task at the sound of her name. "Come join us."

Lena had absolutely no idea how to respond. She was too shocked to even form words. Somewhere in the back of her mind her brain managed to register that Stef was drunk and cheating on her and with no control over her mind or body Lena turned around and walked away.

She headed straight for their room and began throwing her things into the one overnight bag that they had brought with them, tossing anything of Stef's out in the process. She was too mad and too hurt to care about anything besides getting away from her wife. As Lena zipped up the bag she covered her hand protectively over her belly wondering what was to become of their life. Things hadn't been completely great between them lately but never in her wildest dreams had she ever imagined Stef doing something like this to her.

Just the though brought forth another wave of anger and Lena quickly picked up the bag, grabbed the car keys from where Stef had left them and drove home. She didn't bother to tell Stef she was leaving or leave a note or even pay for the room - Stef could deal with all that. The only thing she could think about was what she saw and what she was going to tell the kids for even in her state of shock she knew that questions would be asked when she showed up at home, late at night without Stef.

* * *

Lena reached home just before midnight and before she got out of the car she could already tell that something had happened - every light was on in the house, there was a bit of trash littered across the yard and she could see the kids moving about in the living room.

None of the kids noticed when the front door opened - they were all too busy trying to figure out what to do with the window. Jesus and Mariana were busy cleaning up the back yard with Matt's help while the other three kids and Wyatt were doing the living room. When the door opened not one of them looked up thinking that it was just one of the twins but it was Jude who finally noticed Lena standing at the entrance to the livingroom with her mouth hanging open and her face still streaked with dried up tears.

"Mom!" Jude said, causing the others to look up too.

"Mom." Brandon repeated, for lack of something better to say. "What... what are you doing back?" He asked, wondering how they were going to explain the trashed up house and worse, the broken window.

Lena just shook her head in disbelief as she glanced around the room and then back at the four teens staring nervously at her.

"Wait, are you okay?" Callie asked, suddenly noticing the tear marks on Lena's face. "Where's Stef?" She asked, more worried about what had happened to them rather than how to explain the house.

The reminder suddenly brought Lena back to reality as a look of anger crossed her face. Not only was she angry with Stef but on top of that she had been right - the kids did have a party and that only angered Lena more. Without a word to anyone she began to climb the stairs, leaving her bag at the bottom, afraid to carry it up herself.

The four kids looked around at each other wondering what had happened and what to do about it when Callie finally sighed. "I'll go." She said, realizing that being the only girl in the room it was best if she went to find out.

They stood still for another few moments until Brandon looked out the broken window to see if Stef was sitting in the car. But it was dark so he couldn't really see clearly but he was certain that Stef wasn't in there. 'What had happened?' He wondered, just like everyone else in the room.

* * *

Stef groggily woke up and looked around. She couldn't figure out quite where she was. She was on some sort of couch she gathered but where and why were completely lost on her. The room was dark and stuffy, like there was no central air or windows and it smelt of stale alcohol and oil. Suddenly Stef's began to remember little bits and pieces - alcohol, she'd been drinking last night. She tried to remember why she'd been drinking so much and gradually she remembered her fight with Lena and her need to get some space.

She carefully got off the couch and realized she was in a storage room with all the spare bottles and chips. There was one small window that was closed and she realizd why she found it so stuffy. As she stood up her head began to throb and she wondered just how much she'd actually had to drink. Obviously enough to have kept her from going back to her room. She wondered how she'd made it to this couch as well and figured the bar man probably didn't know who she was so set her up here.

She made her way to the front of the bar and found it absolutely empty. Once again she wondered who had just left her here like this, completely unattended. The cop in her couldn't help but wonder what would happen had she been an alcoholic or a thief and was left amongst all this unguarded alcohol.

She cautiously opened the bar door, knowing the bright daylight would hurt her already throbbing head but she knew she had to do it - she wanted to get back to her room and talk to Lena who, no doubt, would be upset that she never made it back to the room last night.

Stef took a deep breath, marched herself as fast as her head and unsteady legs would allow to their room and knocked. She waited a minute before knocking again and then tried the knob, surprised to find it unlocked. She figured Lena had gone to breakfast or was perhaps looking around for her. But a quick glance around the room told her that something more had happened for all she could see were her own clothes strewn around the room and not a single item of Lena's too be found. Stef frowned as she headed to the window to see if she could spot their car and sure enough it was missing. Stef suddenly felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach as she sat down on the edge of the bed, trying to remember exactly what had happened the night before.

* * *

**Authors Note:**

It's not normal for me to put author's notes in the middle of stories but there are just a few points I want to make.

1\. I don't know squat about any date-rape drugs so I may be making a ton of mistakes and for that I apologize. I am getting some help as I mentioned before but still, any errors are mine.

2\. I'm pregnant myself so, to the person who requested Lena going into premature labour, I'm sorry I just can't bare to do that. The baby is obviously not viable yet so I can't just kill it off - call it pregnancy hormones.

3\. I'm not too thrilled with this chapter (which is why it's so short) but I'll get more like myself once the actual story starts :).

Thanks for all the support and reviews. Even the person who religiously reads my stuff even when they absolutely hate it - it's very flattering.

Enjoy.

Love Junebug.


	3. Chapter 3

"She didn't say anything?" Mariana asked for the tenth time that morning.

"No." Callie replied to all the kids around the kitchen table. They had decided to just have cereal and fruit and discuss what could possibly be the matter.

Each of the four older kids had called Stef's cellphone numerous times through what was left of the night but hadn't answered any of the calls.

"She had to have said something." Mariana groaned, wanting to know if she'd even sneezed or coughed as some sort of an answer.

"All she really wanted was to be left alone." Callie said. "They obviously had some sort of fight."

"About what?" Jesus asked.

"I don't know." Callie said.

"They have been pretty tense lately." Brandon observed. "Even just getting them to go on this trip needed some convincing."

"Lena had said they needed it." Mariana remembered. "What do you think that meant?"

"I guess we wait till she wakes up and try to talk to her again." Callie suggested wisely. She figured it was better not to jump to any conclusions on their own.

"I'm gonna try Stef again." Mariana said, grabbing her phone and dialing.

* * *

Stef pulled out the phone in her pocket and looked at the name flashing across the screen. She wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or tense that it wasn't Lena.

"Mariana." Stef said, answering the call.

"Mom, where are you?" Mariana asked, her voice filled with relief that her mother had finally picked up.

"At the hotel." Stef sighed, realizing that Lena had obviously gone home. "Where's mama?" She asked.

"Asleep." Mariana answered and then waited a moment before asking. "What happened?"

"I..." Stef began, but didn't want to say anything for the simple fact that she wasn't really sure. "Could you please give her the phone." She requested.

"Okay, hold on." Mariana said and Stef heard her running up the stairs and gently wake Lena to tell her that Stef was on the phone. She could hear Lena thank her and felt relieved that Lena was at least going to answer.

Suddenly Stef could hear Lena's breathing through the line. "Lena." She said carefully, unsure of the reaction she'd receive.

"I have nothing to say to you." Lena said bitterly before hanging up.

Stef felt tears fill her eyes as she stared at the phone. She still had no idea what had happened but it must have been more than just not making it back to bed last night. She had heard the hurt in Lena's voice, masked by the bitterness and anger - but she had heard it.

She wiped her eyes before calling reception and asking them to send up two disposable laundry bags and to call her a cab to take her back to San Diego and less than half an hour later Stef was on her way home, hoping to make things right with her wife and maybe even find out more about what had happened.

* * *

"Mom, are you okay?" Mariana asked. She'd waited outside the door to hopefully find out what Lena would say but became even more worried when she did finally hear what Lena had to say to Stef.

Lena instantly knew that her daughter had been listening. She understood that they were all scared and confused.

"Get the others." Lena said and watched Mariana walk off cautiously to get her brothers and sister.

"Obviously you know that things didn't go quite as planned for mom and I last night." Lena began. "We have some stuff to figure out. I came home because I needed some time and space away from mom. She's probably on her way home right now too."

"But what happened?" Jesus asked, realizing that Lena was only stating the obvious.

"That's between your mom and me." Lena said, not ready to tell them the truth and feeling that this wasn't the time, place or way to tell them. "I don't want you guys to worry, this is for mom and I to work out. Nothing changes for any of you."

Somehow the words that were meant to make them feel a little more at ease only made them worry more. If it really was nothing for them to worry about then Lena wouldn't have even mentioned it but the fact that she had made them all realize that this was pretty serious.

* * *

Stef called all her kids one by one every twenty minutes or so until her uncharged phone finally died to let them know where she was and how much longer till she got home. She knew they were worried and that Lena had obviously told them at least a part of what had happened. After Lena had hung up on her she had seen over thirty voice messages waiting for her - all from her kids.

When she finally got home just before lunch she found it absolutely quiet. A quick glance to her left and right told her that the living room was empty and so was the dining room. She walked across to the kitchen and found Callie working on homework.

"Hi love." Stef greeted her. "Where is everyone?"

"Brandon's in his room mixing some music, Jesus is teaching Jude how to play basketball out back and Mariana is practicing her routine in our room which is why I'm down here." Callie informed her. "Lena's still in your room." She added softly.

"Okay, well we'll be upstairs if you need us." Stef said, though both of them knew that no one would be interrupting them for a while.

"I was gonna go get takeout." Callie said, just as Stef was about to climb the stairs. "I'll take the other's with me. We'll eat at the mall and bring something back." She offered, knowing that if this got heated they wouldn't want the kids to overhear them fight.

"Thanks love." Stef smiled gratefully though the sadness never left her eyes.

Callie nodded in reply.

* * *

Stef waited ten minutes to greet all her kids and watch them all leave before she headed upstairs and opened her bedroom door slowly. She wasn't sure what she'd find or whether Lena even knew she'd gotten home but she just couldn't wait around any longer. She wanted to set things right with Lena. The one thing she hated most was when her wife was upset with her and her gut told her that this time she was more than just upset.


	4. Chapter 4

"Lena." Stef said as she gently shook her wife who had fallen asleep from all the crying.

"Um." Lena mumbled sleepily as she turned around towards Stef who was sitting on the edge of the bed. It took a moment for her mind to remember that she was angry and for those blissful few moments she was just content to have Stef close.

But all too soon the memory came back and Lena shrugged out of Stef's reach as fresh tears filled her eyes.

"Lena." Stef said miserably, her own face filling with hurt as well.

"Don't Stef." Lena stopped her. "I really can't even look at you right now."

"Honey, I'm sorry." Stef tried to explain. "I was so drunk I passed out. I hadn't planned on staying out all night."

"What part of last night _did_ you plan Stef?" Lena asked bitterly. "Because no matter how mad you were at me I never expected you to cheat on me."

Stef was taken aback for a second. It took a moment for her to register exactly what Lena had said. "What?" She asked, scrunching up her eyes, trying to understand.

"Don't pretend Stef." Lena shook her head. "That just makes it worse."

"Lena I did not cheat on you." Stef said, her eyes wide and her mouth hanging open.

"You obviously were drunk." Lena said.

"Come on Lena." Stef tried to reason. "I wouldn't cheat on you. Why would you even think that?"

"I saw you Stef, with your face in some blond girl's crotch." Lena spit in anger.

"What... what girl?" Stef asked, trying to wrack her brain for some memory of the previous night. "You have to have mistaken me for someone else."

"Right, because I don't know what my own wife looks like." Lena mumbled. "It was you."

Stef didn't know what to say. Lena was obviously mistaken or at least misunderstood the situation. There was no way she could have done what Lena was accusing her of.

"I don't believe this." Stef said with a sigh. "Is this some hormonal thing? Should we take you to the doctor?"

"You _saw_ me standing there Stef." Lena reminded her, angry at what Stef was implying. "You even asked me to _join_ you." She added with disgust in her voice.

And suddenly that little memory came flooding back. Stef vaguely remembered feeling disappointed when Lena walked away. She tried to remember what exactly she'd been doing at that moment but it was still a blur but a sinking feeling in her gut told her that what Lena was telling her was true.

Lena could tell that Stef now remembered, at least parts of what had happened. A very small part of her that loved Stef so deeply felt bad that she had forced her to remember but the more dominant part of her was too angry to care.

Stef on the other hand was in complete shock. She knew Lena was right but she still couldn't believe it was true. Her mind was now completely on the night before and she could no longer even see Lena sitting on the bed right in front of her. All she could see was herself passing her empty glass back to the bartender. She could see her face, blurry, but still she was pretty sure she's the blond that Lena was talking about. Only she couldn't see past passing her that glass. Her mind after that was a complete blank. Could she really have gotten that drunk that she would do something like this.

Stef was still in shock as she got up and walked out of the room. She needed space, air, something, she wasn't sure what but until she figured it out herself there was nothing she could say to Lena.

"Where are you going?" Lena asked as Stef made her way to the door. She was angry and she expected Stef to have some sort of explanation and apology but for Stef to have completely forgotten had not struck her.

"A walk." Stef answered blankly. "I need some time to think, some space." Before she disappeared out the door and a few seconds later Lena heard the front door open and close.

Lena stood staring at the bedroom door in bewilderment for ages. _Stef need time and space?_ Wasn't it her who should be walking away from Stef. The anger Lena felt suddenly boiled over completely and as she glanced around her eyes caught the picture frame on her nightstand of the two of them on their wedding and without a second thought Lena grabbed the frame and flung it across the room towards the door. The frame hit the wall and with a loud sound the glass shattered and the frame itself broke into two. Looking at the pieces littered on the floor Lena felt a little bit better. Better enough to know that if she didn't get something into her stomach she'd feel miserable soon so she quietly padded downstairs, ignoring the broken frame along the way and headed into the kitchen. She glanced through the fridge but nothing seemed right so she just grabbed herself a mug and made some tea.

* * *

That's how the kids found her an hour later - sitting at the kitchen table with an un-drunk, now cold mug of tea.

"Mom." Mariana said cautiously. "Are you okay?"

Lena was brought out of her trance by her daughter and she quickly looked up to find all her kids standing there, waiting for her to answer.

"I'm fine." Lena said, glad that she had finally stopped crying at least.

"Where's mom?" Brandon asked looking around.

"Um, she went for a walk." Lena said. She could see the uncertainty in their eyes. "She'll be back." She assured them. Even knew that Stef wouldn't go far.

"We got you the burrito that you like." Jude said softly, holding up a bag of takeout.

"Thanks honey." Lena gave him a small smile though she made no inclination to actually eat it.

"We also got mom the hot wings." Mariana added. "We thought she'd be here."

"Stick them in the fridge." Lena said. "She'll heat them up when she's hungry."

"Okay." Jude said as he began walking towards the fridge.

"You should eat yours now though." Callie said quickly. "You haven't eaten anything all day." She quickly grabbed the bag from Jude and pulled out Lena's burrito before handing it back to him to put into the fridge.

Before Lena could protest Callie had cut it up in half and laid it on a plate in front of her. She gave her mother a soft smile, knowing that she didn't really want to eat but had to anyways.

"Thanks honey." Lena said. She knew Callie was just looking out for her.

"Are you and mom okay?" Mariana asked, her face filled with uncertainty and fear.

Lena looked around at all the kids. It was clear that they knew something was really wrong even though they didn't know the details and she figured there was no point lying to them.

"I don't know." She said honestly and watched as their face fell even further. "Why don't you guys go up and get your homework done." She suggested as a way of distraction.

Lena watched as her kids silently headed upstairs. The fact that they'd been gone over night and the kids had obviously had a party meant that they all had unfinished homework to do.

Lena wasn't sure if she preferred the empty room or not but she found herself struggling to take a bite out of her burrito - that was until both girls headed back downstairs with their backpacks, planning to sit with her while doing homework.

Lena gave them each a grateful smile as she finally took her first bite and watched them open their books. Neither of them said anything but they were there for their mother if she needed them and for that Lena was grateful.


	5. Chapter 5

Stef walked around in a daze as she tried to remember the events of the night before. Gradually the blanks were filling in - at least in part. She remembered talking to the girl, complaining about how Lena was putting all the blame on her. That had made her so angry - but angry enough to cheat on her? That, she wasn't so sure about. She forced her mind to search for the memories and slowly, unfortunately it did come back to her. She remembered the girl asking her what it was like to be a lesbian, wanting answers and being curious. She remembered offering to show the girl instead of just answering her questions and she remembered guiding her when they switched places giving the younger one a chance to explore.

Stef finally had no choice but to accept that it had, in fact, happened and she felt a wave of tears flood her eyes at what she'd done to Lena. She couldn't believe it. There was no excuse or explanation she could give herself or Lena but the one thing she knew was that she'd spend the rest of her life making up for this mistake. She couldn't bear to live without her wife and best friend and she'd do whatever she had to to try and make things right.

* * *

Lena and the girls were still sitting in the kitchen when the back door opened and Stef walked in. Both girls were surprised. It wasn't often that Stef cried but it was clear to both of them that she had been crying just now.

"Can we talk." Stef said to Lena and the two girls watched curiously as Lena silently got up and headed upstairs with Stef right behind her.

Lena walked straight into the room and sat on the bed while Stef shut the door. She stayed facing the door for a few moments trying to gather her courage and figure out exactly what to say. What could she say? 'Sorry' wasn't enough, it was never going to be enough but it was all she had because she had no excuse and even if she did, it wouldn't be enough either.

"I remember." Stef began softly as she turned around. She didn't go over to Lena, she owed her the space so she continued to talk from the entrance. "I remember most of what happened. It's still a bit of a blur but I know what you're talking about."

Lena sat listening to Stef, wondering what the point of this was. She knew she'd remember eventually, it was just a matter of time.

"I don't know what came over me Lena." Stef continued as a lone tear trickled down her cheek. "I have absolutely no excuse or explanation but I can tell you that I didn't, not for one second, have any intention of hurting you."

"So you did actually think about me while you were busy cheating on me?" Lena asked bitterly.

Stef looked back at her wondering how to answer. What was she supposed to say? No she hadn't really thought about Lena but the truth was she hadn't thought about anything. She still didn't know what she was thinking when she made the decision to cheat on her. She finally walked over to Lena and sat down beside her and watched with a sinking heart as Lena moved further away towards the headboard.

"There is nothing I can say to justify what I did and really I don't even want to." Stef said, making her hands into fists to keep from reaching out for Lena. "I hate myself for what I did. I was angry and I drank too much and I'm not using that as an excuse but it's just the way it was and I will do whatever you need me to do to make this up to you." She said, inching closer to Lena.

"Don't Stef." Lena stopped her. "I can't bare to even look at you right now so don't even think about touching me."

"Lena..." Stef tried to plead.

"No." Lena interrupted. "You want to do what I need you to do - then leave me alone. Just go away."

Stef felt her heart break into a thousand pieces and though she knew she deserved what she got, she was still determined to find a way to make things right. She'd give Lena the time she needed but she definitely wasn't giving up.

* * *

That night Stef slept on the couch and she hated it. She missed Lena, missed cuddling with her, missed holding her and being engulfed in the mass of curly hair. She wanted so desperately to go up there and try to make things right but she had no idea how. Their weekend away was supposed to have been special - romantic, relaxing, carefree but instead, because of her, it was breaking them apart and Stef was struggling to hold on to the pieces.

After hours of just tossing and turning Stef finally tiptoed up the stairs and quietly opened her bedroom door. She didn't enter, just stood there and watched her wife. Lena was facing the window so she couldn't see her face but she knew it would still be tear stained and filled with hurt - hurt that she herself had caused. She stayed watching her wife sleep for what seemed like ages, silently telling her that she loved her and that she was sorry for what she'd done.

Little did she know that Lena was also wide awake and knew Stef was standing there, she just pretended to be asleep because it was easier than having to deal with what was happening. Both of them were hurting and both of them hiding but neither of them felt like they could reach out to the other.


	6. Chapter 6

Stef went to work on Monday still keeping her distance from Lena. The kids obviously knew something was up but they were giving their moms some space. Lena wordlessly drove the kids to school without so much as a 'goodbye' to Stef - something that very rarely happened, especially since the shooting.

Stef drove to work still in a daze. She felt torn between giving Lena the space she wanted and trying to make things right. She had never felt as alone as went she left the house that morning - for the first time Lena hadn't even been remotely concerned that she was off to work. In the past, even when they were fighting, Lena still felt the tension when Stef went to work, especially upset about something and though Stef had always brushed off her concerns telling her she was as safe as ever and accidents were rare she realized for the first time today that she actually took comfort in knowing that Lena cared so much.

Luckily for her though her thoughts couldn't stay on her own troubles for long for almost the moment she got to work they got called out. A seventeen year old had pulled a gun to his father's head because his father was taking inappropriate pictures of his thirteen year old challenged sister.

Stef felt disgusted at the pictures they found hidden in a folder in the father's desk drawer. Cases involving kids always upset her because of her own kids. She always wondered whether or not her own kids had suffered the say same way that these kids had a feeling of dread always filled her at the fact that they had ever had to go through any kind of hardships at all.

Though the case took up most of her day and did wonders to distract her she found her mind returning to her own problems on the drive back home later than she normally would. For the first time in her life she actually dreaded going home to Lena. On nights like this Lena usually did a fantastic job of helping distract Stef from her thoughts about the kids she dealt with at work but she knew tonight her mind would only be doubly occupied with morose thoughts.

Stef entered the house to find Lena with the kids in the dining room doing homework. It had been ages since Lena made them all sit together for homework - not since Brandon and the twins turned teens. Obviously she needed a distraction as well.

"There's a plate for you in the oven." Lena said, barely glancing up at Stef as she entered the house.

The kids watched Stef walked straight to the kitchen without saying a single word to Lena and they were beginning to move past patience and more towards fear. None of them had ever seen their moms like this before - something really big must have happened for them to be this angry, and more so to let it show in front of them and it wasn't just going to go away like it usually did.

Stef sat at the kitchen table alone, picking at her food as she listened to Lena work with Jude as her twins discussed the book they were studying in English. She eventually gave up attempting to eat and shoved her plate into the fridge and headed upstairs to shower and change so that she could be out of the way by the time Lena headed upstairs.

Lena, on the other hand had had a relatively easy day which left her with not much to do besides go over the events of the weekend. She alternated between crying silently and idly cleaning up her desk at work for want of something better to do and by the time she'd come home she was just done with the day and in desperation insisted that the kids do their homework together where she could help.

None of the kids argued even though none of them wanted to really sit down there, watching Lena's face clouded in tension. Even dinner had been a quiet affair which was unusual in their household and although the gesture was small and relatively insignificant, the kids all smiled at the thought of Lena keeping a plate warm for Stef - things couldn't really be that bad then, could they?

Both women said good night to the kids separately and Stef quietly headed downstairs to spend another long, sleepless night on the couch.

* * *

"You can't be done, you've barely touched your eggs." Lena said to Mariana who had pushed her plate away and was about to get up from the table.

It was the following morning and the kids were growing more worried at the silence between their moms. None of them were eating much and Stef and Lena both had absolutely no appetite at all.

"We're not stupid, you know." Jesus said, before his sister could come up with an excuse for why she didn't want to eat. "We know something's wrong."

"Tell us what's going on." Mariana asked, deciding that there was no point in even trying to come up with an excuse now.

Both moms glanced at each other and then back at the five faces waiting expectantly for an answer. Neither of them knew what to say. They realized that they would have to come up with some answers for the kids and as much as they both regretted it they knew they couldn't lie but first they decided that they would have to discuss what to say together. Even if Lena couldn't stand to be around Stef right now, she'd do whatever she had to for the sake of her children and she knew that Stef would do the same. She realized that it couldn't be easy for Stef either, to admit to her kids that she'd been unfaithful.

"We need to work out some stuff." Lena finally said, giving them some time to figure out a more detailed answer.

"Like what?" Jesus questioned. "You guys never fight like this."

"He's right." Brandon added. "For as long as I can remember you've never gone more than a day angry at each other."

Lena looked up at Stef. It was true, they had never, ever had a fight like this before and she wasn't comfortable with it affecting her kids so much. But the look on Stef's face told her that she was even more clueless as to what to say.

"Mom and I need to talk about this before we tell you." Lena finally said honestly. "We will sit down tonight and explain some of it to you." She assured her kids and noticed Stef's face fall slightly at the thought. She felt a momentary pang of sympathy for Stef - no matter how angry she was, Stef was an amazing mother to her children and she didn't want them to look at her with anger or disappointment once they knew the truth. But the thought of the truth quickly pushed aside the sympathy and Lena felt the anger bubble within her again.

"Alright, let's get going." She said, her voice clearly showing the change in her attitude.

The kids quickly headed out with a quick 'bye' to Stef. All of them waiting anxiously for the evening when they would finally have some answers to the multitude of questions they wanted to ask.


	7. Chapter 7

Once again Stef found herself completely filled with dread as she drove home. She hadn't thought it was possible but she realized that she was regretting it even more today than she had yesterday - today she was going home a little early so that she could admit what she'd done to her children and she wished she could just turn the clock back a few hours and prolong the inevitable. Well, if she was wishing to turn back time then she wished she could turn it back to that damn day and stop herself from making the biggest mistake of her life.

She had texted Lena earlier in the day to figure out what exactly they were going to say to the kids. She had been too afraid to call her. It was so unlike Stef to be afraid of something like that but if she were honest with herself she felt like her life was on the line. And so, for the first time ever, they had an entire conversation through text messages and as a result they hadn't come up with much besides agreeing that they had to tell the truth. They weren't going to give all the details but they wouldn't lie either and Stef felt a rock in her stomach through the rest of the day.

When Stef got home and opened the door she wasn't surprised to find all the kids downstairs waiting for her - they wanted to know what was going on. She gave them a sad smile before heading upstairs to lock up her gun and change out of her uniform. She took her time, using it to gather her thoughts and buck up the courage to face her wife and children.

And finally, ten minutes later, she was sitting on the living room chair with Lena in the other and the kids littered on the couch and footstool. They were all watching, waiting for one of them to speak. Both moms stayed silent for a few minutes - Stef, prolonging it as much as possible and even Lena, feeling bad that they had to share this with them.

Eventually Stef just blurted it out. She couldn't stand the tension any longer and she decided to just get it over with.

"Mama and I have been fighting because I cheated on her." Stef finally said, knowing it was only fair that she be the one to tell the. She closed her eyes gently so that she wouldn't have to look at the disappointed faces in front of her.

But no one responded and so when Stef did look at her children she found them all staring back at her with shocked expressions on their faces - as though she'd grown another head or dyed her hair hot pink.

None of the kids knew how to respond - they had talked about it amongst themselves all day and some up with some pretty good ideas like Stef's job or Mike - both of which were usual topics of disagreement between the two women. They had even considered some decisions over the baby which was plausible. And eventually they had even come up with some ridiculous reasons that, even as they suggested it, they knew it wasn't true but none of them had expected something like this - not for one second had it crossed any of their minds.

"Mom?" Brandon finally said disbelievingly as he looked between the two of them.

Stef turned her attention to her eldest and she could see the struggle in his eyes. He was having a hard time accepting what she'd said. She glanced at the others and noticed Mariana and Jude almost in tears, Jesus' face laced with anger and Callie's face completely unreadable.

"How could you?" Jesus asked angrily.

"Jesus..." Stef began but she was quickly cut off by Brandon.

"She couldn't have." Brandon told his younger brother. "There must be some mistake."

"You don't accidentally cheat on someone." Jesus fought back.

Both boys looked at their mother for confirmation and the sad, resigned look in Stef's eyes told them both that Jesus was right.

"But why?" Mariana asked, trying to understand.

"Mama and I had a fight on our weekend away..." Stef began but was once again interrupted.

"So you cheated on her because you were mad at her?" Jesus asked, even more angry than before.

"No." Stef said. "I ended up going to the bar for a while and I got so drunk that I didn't know what I was doing." She admitted. A small part of her felt relief in the fact that she could say that because if it had been true that she'd done it just because she was angry with Lena she would never have been able to live with herself whether Lena ever forgave her or not.

"How did mama find out?" Jesus asked, glancing at Lena's somber, silent face.

Both women looked at each other, neither ready to share the truth about that part.

"I figured it out." Lena said quietly, before Stef felt like she had to tell them what really happened.

"So what happens now?" Mariana asked.

"We aren't sure." Stef admitted. She had no idea where this was going to go but she knew that no matter what, the kids would always be number one to both of them. "Mama and I have to figure some things out but we are both still your moms and we both love you all very much nothing we decide will ever change that."

"So are you going to get divorced?" Jude asked as the tears in his eyes trickled down his face.

Brandon and the twins all shot him an angry looks for bringing up such a question but he just had to ask - he needed to know.

But the moms didn't have that answer. They had no idea what the end result would be but Stef was absolutely certain that she'd do everything in her power to try and keep that from happening. "I hope not." She finally answered her son as honestly as she could though she was watching Lena as she said it.

Lena had remained silent through the whole thing for several reasons. First, she knew that Stef had to answer the questions that the kids had - she couldn't answer them for her. Secondly, she didn't want to risk showing her anger in front of the kids at this point because she wanted them to be free to express themselves in their own way without getting any cues from her and lastly, she didn't want to burst into tears so she concentrated on just keeping it together as she listened to her family.

It didn't go unnoticed by either mom that Callie had closed up. She knew better than anyone that nothing was ever as good as it seemed - something always sprung up to ruin it and as a result she had shut down in an attempt to protect herself as best she could.

"I can't believe this is happening." Jesus said angrily as he got up and began marching out of the room.

Mariana gave her moms a sad look before she did the same as her twin and much to everyone's surprise Jude followed Mariana out instead of staying with Callie like everyone assumed he would. This left just Callie and Brandon in the room.

"Well I don't believe it." Brandon said, still unable to accept the fact that his mother cheated on Lena. "It's just not possible."

"Honey..." Stef tried to say but stopped. What could she say - 'I did cheat on mama.' She felt terrible that her son had such faith in her and she had broken it.

"No." Brandon said. "I don't want to hear it." And he walked out the way the others had leaving Callie alone with the moms.

Both moms turned their attention to the teen but the moment she realized that they would make her talk she quickly got up too. "I have homework." She said as she walked out too, determined not to get her feelings and thoughts all laid out for everyone to see.

* * *

Stef sighed as she looked around the empty room. Lena was the only one still sitting there but she didn't have the guts to look at her for she knew that the moment she did she'd break down completely. This was by far the most difficult thing she'd ever had to do and she felt like she had been left to do it alone - not that she felt she deserved something different - but still, she missed having her partner by her side.

"They'll come around." Lena finally said. She could see the hurt on Stef's face and no matter how angry she was at her she still didn't want their kids to hate her.

But Stef couldn't reply. She was still too upset and about ready to break down so she quickly got up and walked out the front door to clear hear head and get some space. She had no idea what was going to happen now but she knew she couldn't have just sat there.

* * *

Lena couldn't even imagine what Stef must have felt while admitting her mistake to their children and that one thought alone had been enough to soften her anger towards her wife. She watched through the living room window until she could no longer see Stef and then headed upstairs in search of her kids.

She found the twins and Jude in the boys' room with her two eldest nowhere to be found.

"Do you want to talk?" Lena asked her three children as she entered the room.

"Are you okay?" Jesus asked. His entire demeanor changed as soon as Lena walked in. As angry as he was at Stef he felt equally protective and supportive of Lena.

"I'm okay." Lena said, once again not willing to put her burdens on her children. She had come up here to help them deal with what they were feeling not have them comfort her.

"Really?" Jude asked with a frown. He couldn't imagine how Lena could be okay with something like this.

"She's just saying that Jude." Mariana answered knowingly.

"Guys, I've had time to think about this and mom and I have talked about it a little." Lena said, trying to ease their minds. "But right now we're here to deal with your feelings.

None of the kids said a word since none of them could really voice their own feelings yet.

"It's okay to be angry." Lena said softly. "It's okay to feel sad or upset or scared or even nothing." She assured them. "There is no right way to fell."

"Good." Jesus said forcefully. "Because I am angry. How could she do this? How could she ruin our family?"

"Our family isn't ruined." Lena said. She didn't want her kids to think for even a second that they would not be loved or taken care of irrespective of what happened between her and Stef.

"It will be if you split up." Mariana said.

"We will still both be your moms and still love you very much." Lena said.

"Yeah but it won't be the same. It'll be a broken home." Mariana replied.

"Guys, we don't even know what's going to happen exactly." Lena said, determined not to let them worry about things before they actually need to. "Right now neither of us is going anywhere."

"How come you aren't mad at her?" Jude asked, still surprised that Lena wasn't lashing out at her.

"I am." Lena assured her son. "I'm angry and I'm hurt and right now I feel like I just couldn't forgive her. I can barely look at her." She admitted. "But it's still so new, we have a lot to figure out and I'm trying not to make any impulsive decisions. We have you kids to think about too."

"You don't have to worry about us." Jesus said vehemently. "We're fine. We'll support any decision you make."

"Jesus!" Mariana chastised. As bad as she felt for Lena she didn't quite feel the same way her brother did for she wasn't ready to support either mom if they were splitting up. She wanted to keep her family together.

"I appreciate that sweetheart." Lena said gratefully to her son. "But we haven't made any decisions yet and you do not have to base yours on me. I know you love me and I know you love mom so it's okay to feel torn right now." She added for Mariana's benefit.

* * *

After sitting with those three for a few more minutes Lena went in search of the other two. Brandon, while not angry, just wouldn't accept that his mother had cheated and therefore stated that he didn't have anything to discuss and Callie just remained silent, listening to whatever Lena said but not contributing to the conversation at all.

As Lena left Callie's room she once again found herself surprised that Jude was with Mariana rather than Callie. She wondered briefly whether the siblings had argued about something but she hadn't noticed the change until just now. Besides, even if they were fighting about something - this would have brought them together regardless.

As these thoughts when through Lena's head she realized that she and Stef would have to sit down and really talk - not only about that night and what was going on between them but also about the kids. She sighed at the though as she headed back downstairs to start dinner. For the first time in days she hoped Stef wouldn't be long and would make it back in time for dinner... their kids needed them to all be together.


	8. Chapter 8

Stef wasn't late getting home though it wasn't for the reasons Lena had been thinking about - she just figured she owed them all more than running away. If her kids needed to be mad at her they had a right to be and she'd let them voice whatever thoughts they had and if they wanted space, well, she'd let them have that too but either way she'd be there to give them what they needed.

But dinner was a quiet affair with only the sound of clinking sound of cutlery to fill the silence. As she looked around at her children Stef could read their emotions on their faces - she knew them all too well for them to hide anything.

Jesus was clearly angry with her and he had absolutely no qualms about showing it. He would shoot her fiery glares every so often and then instantly look sympathetically at Lena. Mariana sat and ate her food barely looking up from her plate and every so often she would glance up whenever she heard Jude sniffle. Jude was much like Mariana except for the fact that he was silently crying and would glance at Mariana rather than Callie for comfort. Brandon still looked like he didn't believe what was happening and would look up at his moms and shake his head in disbelief. He was the only one to look at Stef without any anger or sadness like he was even more sure than she was that she hadn't done what she claimed she did. Callie of course, was still quiet and kept her eyes down the entire time and Stef knew that the girl was trying to protect herself. She was already feeling unsettled with the knowledge of who her father is and the fact that she had a sister and now she was afraid that the one stable thing in her life - the Fosters - was standing on shaky ground.

Stef could read each face clearly and as much as she wanted to reach out and reassure each child, she knew she couldn't because she wasn't sure what was going to happen herself. Finally she glanced at Lena who was also mostly looking down at her plate but would occasionally look around at the kids. She avoided looking at Stef completely and Stef found herself wondering whether she knew she was being watched or not. She wanted, most of all, to reach for Lena's hand to assure herself and her kids that things were okay between them but just the thought of Lena pulling her hand away crushed Stef and erased any thoughts about doing so.

* * *

Finally dinner was done and so were the dishes and everyone headed upstairs. Stef did what she had to do in their room in record time and headed back down to her now usual spot on the couch. However it wasn't long before Brandon came padding down the steps to be with her.

"Hey baby." Stef greeted as she sat up to give him space. "Can't sleep?"

Brandon shook his head but didn't say a thing. He was really struggling with believing what they were telling him and the part that made it hardest was that Stef seemed to believe it too.

"I'm sorry B." Stef finally said. She could see the struggle he was going through but there wasn't much she could do to fix it. "I messed up."

"I don't believe it." Brandon said again. "There's no way you could have done something like that."

"Honey, I was drunk." Stef tried to explain. She wanted him to know that she hadn't planned on it or meant it at all but at the same time she had made the mistake of drinking too much.

"But still." Brandon said.

"Baby, I love you so much and I appreciate you standing by me but I did cheat on her." Stef said as tears filled her eyes. She never would have imagined a time when she could have to convince one of her children to believe the worst of her. "I remember it. There's no denying it."

"What were you guys fighting about?" Brandon asked curiously. If this really did happen then their fight leading up to it much of been pretty major.

"We weren't really connecting." Stef answered honestly. "We had different ideas of what was important and we both felt the other wasn't taking our concerns seriously enough."

"That doesn't sound that big of a deal." Brandon said. "It sounds like just normal fights."

"I don't know what to tell you B." Stef said sadly. "I made a stupid mistake and there is no excuse for it. I just have to figure out how to make it right and until them I'm sorry that you kids are being dragged through this."

"I'm on your side mom." Brandon said quickly. "I'll stand by you." He was beginning to accept that it had happened but he still had a hard time imagining his mom making this kind of a mistake.

"There are no sides B." Stef said. "You love us both and that's how it should be but you can be mad or sad or whatever. That's okay too."

"I am sad." Brandon said. "But I'm not mad. I still love you."

"I love you too baby." Stef said as she rested her head on her son's shoulder, drawing a little bit of comfort from him for a change. For all his mistakes in the past he had grown into a fantastic young man and she was proud to call him her son.

* * *

When Lena walked down the following morning she found mother and son still cuddled together fast asleep and a small smile crept up her face. Her hand absentmindedly went to her belly and she felt a momentary wave of love for her wife. She had a doctor's appointment that afternoon and she wondered if Stef still wanted to go to it with her. She made a mental note to ask her for even though the two were not quite on talking terms they'd both do anything for their kids and this baby was one of their kids.

Lena headed into the living room and tapped Stef and Brandon on the shoulders, waking them up. She figured the two must have had a late night if they were still asleep so soundly.

"Good morning." Brandon said groggily as she rubbed his eyes.

"Good morning sweetheart." Lena smiled at him. "Go shower and get ready for school." She instructed and waited until he disappeared up the stairs.

"I have a gyno appointment this afternoon at four." Lena reminded Stef as she began arranging the coffee table.

"I know love." Stef said, the term of endearment slipping out. "Would you rather I didn't come?" She asked softly, dreading the answer.

"No." Lena said quickly. The truth was she wanted Stef there. "You can come."

"Okay." Stef said, smiling slightly. "I'll meet you there at three."

Lena nodded and headed to the kitchen to start breakfast while Stef headed upstairs to get ready for work.

* * *

When Stef got to her desk that morning she was armed with a simple picture frame. She had seen the broken frame in their bedroom that first night and when Lena had been downstairs making dinner she'd thrown away all the broken pieces but she'd kept the picture and brought it to work with her and this morning she'd run to the store and bought a frame for it. She'd keep it at work until Lena was ready to have it back on her nightstand again - if she was ever ready for that.

As she slipped the picture into the frame her felt her heart ache for the carefree day that the picture had been taken - how she wished she could go back to that day when the two of them were wrapped up in their own little bubble, completely content with their lives and their children including the two they had given each other just that morning.

* * *

"Where's Mariana?" Jude asked from the front seat as Lena drove them to school.

"She had early dance practice." Lena informed him with a smile.

Jude nodded and turned to look out the window. He had always had a big sister to protect him. He'd always had Callie and now he had Mariana and two brothers as well. But for the first time in his life he felt like Callie wasn't really there. Even when she'd run away he hadn't felt like this because he hadn't been adopted then. But now - something about her not yet being adopted made him uncertain about things. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to react to this new hurdle his family was facing and he felt like Callie was standing on the outside looking in and as a result he'd attached himself to his new sister and sought comfort in her.

And Callie had also sensed this which only resulted in making her feel more disconnected from the family. She wasn't sure where she was supposed to go or who she was supposed to talk to. She hadn't yet told either of the mom's about Robert showing up at work nor about Sophia and now she wasn't sure how to. Would they even really care or would they be too wound up in their own problems to really be able to help her through?

* * *

Stef showed up at the doctor's office fifteen minutes early. She'd made sure to finish all her reports so that she could go home with Lena if she wanted her to. As nervous as she was, there was a small part of her that hoped that Lena would at least be willing to talk to her after the appointment - they always put her in such a good mood.

As Stef was lost in her thoughts for another ten minutes Lena walked in and saw her wife in the waiting room.

"You're early." Lena said as she took a seat across from her.

"Not much work." Stef said. "I'm done for the day."

"That hardly ever happens." Lena commented. They were making small talk as though they were two strangers instead of a couple that had been together for over ten years. But then when she gave her wife a second look she realized that she did, in fact, see a stranger for the woman Stef had been would never have hurt her like this.

"No, it doesn't." Stef laughed halfheartedly, itching to move to the seat next to Lena, hating the space between them.

Both women were silent for a moment wondering what topic to bring up next when they heard Lena's name being called. They got up and Stef waited for Lena to gain a few steps on her before following her wife into the room.

She waited as Lena changed into the paper gown they gave her and then held back as she watched Lena struggle to get up onto the bed. There was no time to even attempt to talk for Doctor Hillcroft walked in the door.

"Hi you two." The doctor greeted. "Ready for another shot of the baby?"

"I can't wait." Lena answered, as Stef just smiled.

It was another few moments before the image appeared on the screen and instantly a huge smile filled Lena's face and although Stef was just as excited it was Lena's face that she was focusing on.

"There's the baby's face." The doctor pointed out. "The eyes are getting closer together. And there is the heartbeat. Do you want to know the sex?" She asked.

"Yes." Lena answered excitedly.

The doctor raised an eyebrow at Stef's silence so Stef gave her a nod and a smile.

"You're having a girl." Doctor Hillcroft said and watched as the smiles on both women's faces grew even larger.

"A little girl?" Lena clarified as her eyes grew wet with love for the baby inside her.

Stef finally gathered the courage she needed to gently curl her fingers around Lena's hand- something she'd been dying to do for days. But it was less than a second before Lena was trying to pull her hand away but Stef's grip tightened and she watched as Lena turned away from the screen to face her.

For just a moment the two looked at each other and everything was forgotten except the two of them and the baby they were about to have but the bubble was broken once the doctor began talking again.

"Everything looks good." Doctor Hillcroft said as she wiped the gel off Lena's stomach. "We'll see you back her in three weeks."

"Thank you doctor." Lena said as she went to change back into her clothes leaving Stef alone with the doctor.

"Everything okay?" Doctor Hillcroft asked. She had sensed the disconnection between the two women that had never been there before.

"Mind if I stay back for a bit once Lena leaves?" Stef asked.

"Sure." Doctor Hillcroft answered just as Lena emerged from the dressing room.

"Thank you doctor." Lena said and turned to Stef, expecting them to leave together.

"I'll follow in a bit." Stef said and Lena instantly knew that Stef was going to talk to the doctor about what was going on. She felt a sense of security in knowing that Stef was looking out for her and she knew that even though she'd made a mistake, Stef still did love her.

"Something going on?" Doctor Hillcroft asked as the two of them sat down at the desk.

"Yes." Stef began. "I'm a little worried about her. She's upset with me and she's been a little depressed lately and I just wanted to know what I can do."

Doctor Hillcroft could tell that Stef had something more to say but was struggling so instead of saying anything right away she remained silent giving Stef a moment to gather herself.

"I, um... I cheated on her." Stef finally said. "I wasn't planned." She justified. "It was a stupid, drunken mistake and now she's left to deal with it and I'm just wondering what I can do to just help her. She wants space from me and I get that but I want to be there for her at the same time. I'm just worried what all this could do to her and the baby health wise."

"Well she's doing okay right now." The doctor said, showing absolutely no judgement. "Neither of them are suffering medically so the best thing is to just keep the stress levels down as much as possible and have a rest as much as you can. Give her a little space if that's what she needs but make sure she knows that you're around if she needs you. We'll reevaluate in three weeks and see how it's going."

"Thank you." Stef said, feeling a little better once the doctor said she was doing okay.

"Give it time." The doctor offered kindly. "If you want I can recommend a few marriage councilors next time."

"I'll let you know." Stef said gratefully. "Thank you."

"Anytime." The doctor said sympathetically.

As Stef drove home she felt like crying all over again. The doctor had also suggested giving Lena space and Stef was beginning to fear just how much space Lena actually wanted and for how long. At the rate they were going they didn't seem to be working anything out and Stef wasn't sure she could go on like this.


	9. Chapter 9

Things continued in much the same way through the rest of the week. Stef didn't push Lena to talk much but she made sure to be around for Lena if needed. Finding out the sex of the baby had cheered everyone up quite a bit but still that disconnection between the two moms was obvious. The only time they really had a proper conversation was when they were talking about the kids or basic house discussions but the stolen kisses, the whispered 'I love you's' and the cuddles on the couch were a thing of the past.

At least Stef was grateful for the fact that Lena didn't mind her staying home. She didn't know what she would have done had Lena refused to even live with her she didn't think she would have survived. It helped though that she'd been extra busy at work which kept her out of the house most of the time and the fact that she was sleeping on the couch made their time alone in their bedroom limited. Stef only went there to shower and change and Lena tended to avoid the room whenever Stef was using it.

As for the kids, things had settled down some but each child still had their opinions and made it clear what they were. Mariana and Jude became clingy to both moms, afraid of their family falling apart. Jesus avoided Stef while Brandon tended to avoid Lena and Callie avoided them both. They had both tried several times to really get the girl to talk but she didn't say much.

* * *

"How can you be okay with this?" Jesus asked his older brother as the five of them were walking home one afternoon the following week.

"I'm not okay with it." Brandon said. "I hate that they are fighting."

"Yeah but Stef messed up and you're acting like Lena's to blame." Jesus argued.

"I don't blame Lena." Brandon defended. "I just don't blame mom either."

"Why not?" Mariana asked curiously. "This is her fault."

"You guys don't know what my mom was like before she met Lena." Brandon answered. "I don't remember that much either but she was a totally different person. It's like she was hiding who she really was until Lena came along and made her feel more confident about who she is."

"But doesn't that just make it worse?" Callie asked, voicing her opinion for the first time since neither mom was around.

"That's just it." Brandon answered. "Mom must have really been upset or going through something when she did it. There's no way she'd just cheat on Lena like that. She loves Lena more than anything and she would never hurt her deliberately."

"I guess that makes sense." Mariana said softly. "I hadn't planned on getting you and Lexi in trouble when I got drunk, that just sorta happened."

"Still, cheating isn't the same thing." Jesus defended Lena again, not ready to just forgive Stef so easily.

"We've been in foster homes where foster parents have been much worse to each other." Callie said. "They would barely talk or one of them would hardly be home. A couple would hit each other or throw things. None of them were ever like Stef and Lena. They really love each other."

"I've never seen them fight like this." Mariana agreed. "They fight and argue but it's never gone on for so long and it's never been this bad."

"Everyone makes mistakes, it doesn't mean you don't love the person just because you do something wrong and hurt them." Brandon said.

"And you don't just stop loving someone because they hurt you." Mariana said, remembering how her moms had assured her that they still loved and wanted her after the stunts she'd pulled with Ana.

"I didn't stop loving mom." Jesus defended himself. "I'm just mad that she's ruining our family. I don't want them to split up."

At this Jude finally spoke up. "You think they'll split up?" He asked, almost in tears. He had waited so long to have a family and he couldn't bare for it to dissolve right in front of him like this.

"No Jude." Mariana tried to sound convincing. She'd taken over the role of looking out for him ever since he'd started clinging to her. But it wasn't convincing enough for she could still see the doubt in his eyes. "I hope not." She added honestly.

"Hey, whatever happens we're all still a family." Brandon said optimistically.

"Except Callie." Jude said, admitting his insecurity for the first time. "If they split up the judge may not let them adopt her."

"If they still want to adopt me." Callie added weakly.

"Of course they will." Mariana said and was backed up by both Brandon and Jesus.

"If they split up it'll mean one parent for five kids." Callie reasoned. "Even I know that's too much."

"But we'll still have two parents." Mariana said. "Like Brandon still has Mike in his life."

"Yeah but we'll be living only with one which means that one will be overloaded." Callie said.

"Look, whatever happens we're all still their kids, Callie included." Jesus said firmly. "They keep telling us that no matter what _that_ doesn't change and I believe them. They said they were going to adopt Callie and I'm sure they haven't changed their minds. They're just waiting on this Quinn guy."

All the kids listened to Jesus wanting desperately to believe what he said was true and wishing they had his amount of faith but Callie's point was also valid - her father was obviously rich and capable of supporting his daughter so why wouldn't the judge rule against the Fosters?

"I met him." Callie blurted out.

"What?" The other kids asked in unison.

"I thought he didn't show up for the DNA test." Brandon said.

"He didn't." Callie confirmed. "But he's been coming to the diner. I only realized it was him when I looked him up online."

"Who is he?" Jude asked.

"Some rich guy." Callie said bitterly. Ever since he'd given her Sophia's letter he hadn't shown up again and she was grateful for it - she just wanted him to sign the papers and let her go.

"Does it want you?" Mariana asked cautiously, afraid of the answer she'd receive.

"He said the DNA test is a requirement from his family lawyer because he's rich." Callie explained. "But he promised that once that test was done he'd sign me away." She avoided bringing up Sophia because she wasn't ready to share that just yet - especially with Jude.

"Great so see, then moms can adopt you." Jesus pointed out.

"I guess." Callie answered, though she wasn't as convinced as he seemed to be.

* * *

As a routine now Stef was apprehensive about what she would find when she got home. Lena had now moved past hurt and was squarely living in anger and every little thing that went wrong became Stef's fault. Once she burned the chicken when she forgot to set the timer and it was Stef's fault; another time she'd accidentally thrown a red sock in with the whites and it was Stef's fault; and just yesterday she'd forgotten to turn off the water while filling the tub and it overflowed and it was Stef's fault. It wasn't important that Stef hadn't even been in the house when all these things happened - it was still her fault and Stef just rolled with it. Lena needed to take her anger out on someone and it was only fair that it was her and she was just grateful it wasn't one of the kids.

When Stef opened the door she found Mariana trying to sneak upstairs unnoticed and she could hear Lena muttering in the kitchen. Stef and Mariana gave each other a resigned look before Mariana continued up the stairs to safety while Stef went to face whatever it was Lena was going to throw at her today.

"Lena." Stef said cautiously as she entered the kitchen.

"WHAT?" Lena asked angrily as she spun around to face her wife.

"Um... what are you doing?" Stef asked as she watched Lena attack the print button on the printer.

"I can't get this damn thing to print." Lena said frustratedly.

"It's out of paper." Stef said as gently as she could, knowing that it wouldn't make a difference. "See the light flashing at 'load paper'."

"Well you should have filled it when you used the last one." Lena said angrily as she walked away towards the kitchen to check on dinner.

Stef sighed as she filled the paper tray and hit the print button one more time and watched Lena's schedule for the week print. Of everyone in the house Stef was the one to use the printer the least and probably hadn't in a few months - there was no way it was her that had forgotten to refill the tray but once again, it was her fault.

"Here love." She said as she took the paper over to Lena.

Lena grabbed it from her wife's hand and set it down on the table, saying not a single word to Stef.

Stef quietly headed upstairs to change and lock up her gun before she upset Lena even further by just being in the same room as her.

* * *

Stef honestly felt relief each morning when it was time to leave for work and the fact that the kids were all up and ready on time everyday and walked to and from school most days told her that they too preferred to keep their distance from Lena. Even Jesus, who firmly supported Lena, tended to support her from a distance. Stef knew she had to do something and soon. This was getting out of hand and the kids were clearly being affected by her anger. She planned to have a talk with Lena that evening but even that was not to be for she got called in to a crime scene where a young girl was found dead in an alleyway behind a bar. She appeared to have been raped and they were waiting on the autopsy to find out whether or not she had been drugged.

But it wasn't just the girl that had Stef's mind completely occupied - it was possibility of her being drugged that had Stef's antenna stand straight. Suddenly a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach told her that she had to dig into her own story a little more - only she wasn't sure what she hoped to find or whether she'd be relieved to know the truth or not.


	10. Chapter 10

That night Stef lay awake for hours lost in her own thoughts. She was so preoccupied that she wasn't even sure what Lena had chosen to use to pick a fight with her that evening. All she could think about was the possibility that maybe she hadn't cheated on Lena - not in the way they thought she had at least.

She must have finally fallen asleep for she was woken up with a start when Lena called out her name from the bottom of the stairs.

"Wake up Stef." Lena said, in what would not be described as a gentle tone but wasn't exactly harsh either.

Stef woke with a start and looked around herself in confusion. For those few blissful moments she had forgotten everything but the look on Lena's face and the fact that she was on the couch reminded her of reality. She sighed as she headed upstairs to shower and change for work, even more eager that usual to get a move on the day. She was going to have herself tested and just like the night before she wasn't sure whether she wanted the results to come back positive or not.

* * *

Lena could tell that something was bothering Stef right from the way she woke up. It wasn't like Stef to sleep so soundly, so late and she was distracted through breakfast and in a hurry to get to work. Lena found herself hoping that everything was okay and that Stef would be safe. They hadn't really talked in a week now unless it involved the kids and Lena found herself wishing she knew what Stef was up to all day. She knew that Stef was only giving her the space she'd asked for but her job wasn't a dangerous one so not sharing the details with Stef each night wasn't troublesome but she still wanted to know what Stef was up to - she was the mother of her children after all.

* * *

Stef went into work and the first thing she did was call an investigator friend who organized the autopsies on victims and asked him for a contact to have a drug test done. She then cleared her morning so that she could go down and have it done. It didn't take long and with her position in the force they didn't ask too many questions just took a blood and urine sample and sent her on her way telling her the results would take twenty-four hours.

This was the hardest part for Stef, the waiting. She sat at her desk doing paperwork that she'd volunteered for but her knee kept bouncing and she kept glancing at her watch as though she was waiting for fifteen or twenty minutes rather than twenty-four hours.

Eventually it was time for her to head home so she packed up her stuff and got into her car but for some reason she just couldn't do it. She couldn't go home, not just yet so instead she drove around aimlessly after sending a text to Lena simply saying she'd be late.

* * *

Lena had known right from the morning that something was up and when she received Stef's text she couldn't help but worry. But she pushed it aside and focused on her task at hand - quizzing the twins in biology for a test they had coming up.

"Where's mom?" Brandon asked, coming down the stairs.

"She's gonna be late." Lena answered her son.

"Oh." Brandon said and turned to head back upstairs but Lena stopped him.

"Do you need something?" She asked him. She knew that he felt awkward around her since he wasn't upset with Stef like the rest of them were but she didn't want him to feel like he couldn't come to her. Each kid was dealing with this in their own way and she was okay with that.

"Um... no, I was just wondering." Brandon said.

Lena sighed. She hated what had become of her family. Her wife was barely home, the kids preferred to do their own thing rather than be around either woman and she herself felt like she was on an emotional roller coaster and she wasn't sure how much of that had to do with the pregnancy.

* * *

"How are things at home?" Wyatt asked Callie.

The two were walking barefoot down the beach and Wyatt could tell that Callie's thoughts were far away.

"The same." Callie said. "I can't believe that less than two weeks ago I was worrying about a stupid party. They haven't even talked to us about it though Lena definitely saw the mess."

"They've got a lot on their minds." Wyatt pointed out.

"Yeah." Callie said. "The problem is that they aren't talking about anything." She admitted. "Not to each other at least."

"I'm sure Lena must be hurting." Wyatt said.

"Yeah." Callie said. "She still cries at night sometimes."

"How do you know?" Wyatt asked.

"I wake up sometimes." Callie answered. "I used to go downstairs and just sit in the backyard but with Stef down there now I just stay in bed."

"Why do you wake up?" Wyatt asked concerned.

"Just can't sleep sometimes." Callie told him. "I keep thinking about Sophia. I mean, a part of me wants to know her but with everything being so unsteady at hom..." She stopped herself just in time. "...the Foster's, I just feel like it'll be inviting trouble."

"Trouble?" Wyatt asked.

"Um, well Jude for one." Callie said. "He's already avoiding me like I'm just going to disappear any minute and if I start getting close to Sophia it would really upset him."

"Jude's got people to look out for him now." Wyatt reminded her. "You can make your own choices without worrying about him."

"I'll always worry about him." Callie admitted. "Besides, it's not just him. I don't want to leave this home, I want to get adopted so maybe it's better if I just keep my distance until Robert signs the papers. Maybe after that I can get to know her."

"Do your moms know about any of this?" Wyatt asked curiously.

"No." Callie said sheepishly. "They have enough to deal with already."

"That's not the reason." Wyatt stated flatly.

"Yes it is." Callie defended. "You said it yourself."

"They may have more to deal with than worrying about a party but they definitely don't have too much to deal with to worry about their daughter."

"Foster daughter." Callie reminded him.

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that." Wyatt said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Callie asked, getting defensive now.

"It means that the real reason you haven't said anything is because you're afraid that once they find out about this guy and decide that they don't want to adopt you." Wyatt said, voicing her fears exactly.

"You don't think they'll want me anymore?" Callie asked nervously.

"I didn't say that." Wyatt said. "I said that's what you're afraid of."

"Jesus doesn't agree with me." Callie said, admitting that Wyatt was right.

"He's right." Wyatt said. "They want you - it's clear as day. You just have to give them a chance to fight for you."

"What if they don't fight?" Callie asked softly, looking down at the sand between her toes.

"If you don't give them the chance, you'll never know." Wyatt said.

* * *

By the time Stef got home it was very late and everyone was asleep. She tiptoed into her bedroom, grabbed her toothbrush, a new tube of toothpaste and her pajamas and headed to the downstairs bathroom so that she wouldn't wake Lena. Little did she know that Lena had heard her and though she didn't move an inch, ever muscle in her body relaxed knowing that Stef was home.

Stef got ready for bed, skipped dinner all together and prepared for another sleepless night. There was no way she'd be able to stop her mind from thinking about those test results.

She was already up and drinking coffee by the time Lena came down the following morning and as soon as she knew their bedroom was free she headed upstairs to get ready for the day, running into Brandon on his way to the bathroom.

"Mom." Brandon said.

"Hey baby." Stef said as she kissed her son.

"Can we talk for a second." Brandon said, pointing to his room.

"Sure love, what's up?" She asked as they took a seat on his bed.

"I just wanted you guys to maybe talk to Callie." Brandon said.

"About what?" Stef asked curiously.

"She should be the one to tell you." Brandon said.

"Brandon..." Stef said in a warning tone, worried that something had happened between the two again.

"It's not about me." Brandon assured her. "But you guys need to talk to her because she's afraid to come to you."

"Okay." Stef said. "How important is it?" She asked, wondering if it involved something dangerous.

"It can wait till this evening." Brandon said. "It's just that she won't come to you herself, especially not with everything that's been going on."

"Okay." Stef said, more worried about her daughter now than she was about her test results.

* * *

By the time she was driving back home her mind was completely filled. Mostly with worry about Callie but also the sinking feeling at the fact that her test results that had come back negative.


	11. Chapter 11

"Can we please talk." Stef said to Lena when she got home and found Lena making spaghetti in the kitchen with Jude grating the cheese.

"What do you want to talk about?" Lena asked.

"Um... upstairs." Stef said, eying Jude.

"Okay, keep grating honey, I'll be right back." Lena told Jude as she turned down the flame to simmer.

The two headed upstairs and Stef shut the door, taking a deep breath before turning to face Lena.

"What's wrong?" Lena asked frowning. She wondered if this had something to do with why Stef had been so distracted over the last two days.

"Brandon came to me this morning." Stef said. "He said we needed to talk to Callie about something."

"About what?" Lena asked curiously.

"I'm not sure." Stef replied. "He wouldn't tell me, said it was for her to tell us but she probably wouldn't come to us on her own."

"Is she okay?" Lena asked, now concerned.

"I think so." Stef said uncertainly. "He said she wasn't in danger or anything but that it was important."

"So what do we say?" Lena asked. There was nothing for them to really go on so how were they supposed to ask their daughter what she was hiding from them.

"We ask her if she has something to tell us and remind her that she's safe and loved." Stef suggested, lacking a better suggestion.

"Alright, well let's bring her in." Lena said.

"I thought we'd wait until after dinner." Stef said. "We have no idea what she's going to say and we don't know how long it's going to take."

"Okay." Lena agreed.

* * *

As Stef headed in to shower and change Lena went to find her oldest son.

"Hey." She said, entering his room to find him reading on his bed.

"Hey." He said, sitting up to give her space.

"So last night when you came and asked for mom you wanted to tell her about Callie?" Lena inquired.

"Uh yeah." Brandon said, wondering if they'd talked to her yet or not and what she'd told them.

"Mom just told me and we're going to speak to her after dinner." Lena informed him, answering his unasked question.

"Okay." Brandon said, wondering why she was telling him this.

"You know you could have told me last night." Lena said. "You don't have to avoid me just because your mom and I are going through something."

"No, I know." Brandon said.

"I know I've been a little crazy lately but I'm still your mom too and I love you." Lena reminded him.

"I know that." Brandon stopped her. "That's not why I didn't say anything."

Lena looked at him curiously, waiting for him to go on.

"I just knew that with mom being out later than she'd planned you'd be worried and I didn't want to add to that by making you worry about Callie too." Brandon answered honestly.

Lena smiled. This was more like the Brandon she knew.

"And for the record, I'm not avoiding you." Brandon answered. "I just think mom had to have been really angry or hurt or something to be able to do something like that to you. You don't know what she was like before she met you - she'd never hurt you like that or at least she'd never mean to hurt you like that."

"Honey, I know your mom loves me." Lena said. "And I know that she's sorry for what she did but it hurt me too and we have to work that out between us. You don't have to protect either one of us and you certainly don't have to choose. You should love your mom irrespective of the mistakes she made or the reasons behind them. But at the same time you don't have to feel weird around me."

"I don't." Brandon said firmly. "I get that you're hurting and I can't even imagine what that must be like and you deserve to be mad at mom or whatever. I just really didn't want you to worry more than you already were. I mean it's not good for you or the baby right."

Lena smiled. "You don't have to protect me either." She said. "We're the moms, let us do the worrying."

* * *

After dinner Stef and Lena called Callie to their room and as Callie walked towards the bed she was nervous. She had no idea what they were going to talk to her about but the fact that they had called just her made her worry.

"Sit love." Stef said gently. Both moms could tell that she was nervous and that made them nervous too. They had no idea what she was about to tell them or whether she'd tell them anything at all but Stef vowed to herself that if Callie didn't open up then she'd press Brandon to tell them.

"So, we just wanted to check in with you." Lena started. "See if there was something you wanted to talk about."

"I'm fine." Callie dismissed quickly. She wondered if the moms knew about Robert and the letter and which one of the kids had told them but if they didn't then she wasn't going to be the one to bring it up.

"Are you sure?" Stef asked her, giving her a look that told Callie she knew more than she was letting on. "You know you can tell us anything right?"

"Yeah." Callie nodded.

"Alright." Stef said, satisfied that at least Callie knew that. "So then tell us whatever it is you're hiding." She said, not beating around the bush.

Callie looked away, she knew the moms had found out somehow and she wasn't sure what to say. "How did you find out?" She finally asked.

"We didn't." Stef admitted and received a confusing look from Callie.

"We don't know what it is. We're hoping that you'd tell us." Lena added.

"So then how did you know to ask me?" Callie asked, aware that she was digging herself deeper but either way she knew they'd never let her go now without getting what they wanted.

"Brandon came to us." Lena answered honestly. "He was worried about you and he thought you needed to talk but was maybe too afraid."

For the first time Callie actually felt the urge to punch her brother in the face. She couldn't believe he'd told them - even if he hadn't given them the details.

"Honey, you know that no matter what is going on between Lena and I, we are still here for you and we still love you and nothing will ever change that." Stef reminded her.

Callie looked away for a second, unable to maintain eye contact with Stef as she said that.

"Is that why you're afraid to tell us?" Stef asked. Her ever observant eye catching her daughter's nervousness.

"Honey, if you are in some sort of trouble you don't have to hide from us." Lena added, catching on to Stef's train of thought.

"I'm not in trouble." Callie said. She didn't want them thinking that. She didn't want them thinking anything bad about her.

"Okay, then what?" Stef asked her.

"I um... I..." Callie began but just couldn't get the words out knowing that once she did there was no way of taking them back.

"Sweetheart, it's okay." Lena said gently as she reached for Callie's hand. "We're here, we'll always be here. We'll help you figure things out."

Callie looked at Lena. Her eyes almost begging the older woman to mean what she was saying. "I met Robert Quinn." She finally said.

"You did?" Stef asked, in a tone harsher than she meant to."

"He came to me." Callie answered quickly, before they thought she'd gone behind their backs.

"What do you mean?" Stef asked, her motherly protectiveness fully powered now.

"He came to the diner." Callie began to explain. "He wanted to see me and he said that he knew right away that I was his daughter and that the DNA test was only because his lawyers insisted on it."

"So he knew about you?" Lena asked.

"No." Callie answered. "But I look exactly like his other daughter. Or she looks like me I guess, she's fourteen."

"You met her too?" Lena asked.

"No, I have a picture." Callie admitted. "Robert gave it to me along with a letter she wrote."

"He showed up at the diner and just told you who he was?" Stef asked, still upset about that.

"No." Callie said. "He's been coming there for a few days and he's been friendly but when he didn't show up for the DNA test I looked him up online and realized who he was so I confronted him and he said that he just had to see me for himself."

"That is still unacceptable." Stef said angrily. "You are a minor and he shouldn't have done that."

"He promised to sign the papers as soon as his lawyers give him the go ahead." Callie said, hoping to lessen Stef's anger.

"Has he said anything to you or done anything?" Stef asked protectively.

"No." Callie assured her. "I haven't seen him since."

"And his daughter." Lena asked. "What did she have to say."

"She wants to meet me." Callie answered and then looked down at her hands, unable to admit that she wants to meet her as well.

"Is that what you want?" Lena asked knowingly.

Callie looked up at her but didn't say anything. Her eyes said enough for her.

"That's okay." Lena said gently. "It's okay if you do."

"Can we see this letter?" Stef asked.

Callie nodded as she went to get it and came back a moment later with envelope and handed it to Stef who read the letter and then handed it to Lena for her to read as well. Both moms sat staring at the picture, thinking that this was exactly what Callie must have looked liked just a few years ago.

"If this is what you want we can arrange it." Lena said again, trying to assure Callie that it was okay.

"Why didn't you just tell us about this?" Stef asked. She didn't want Callie to feel like she had to hide from them or be afraid of them.

"I just didn't know how to tell you." Callie admitted. "I thought you guys wouldn't like it if I wanted to know her."

"Why would you think that love?" Stef asked, her entire posture mellowing as she pulled Callie closer.

"I didn't want you guys to stop fighting for me just because I wanted to know Sophia." Callie admitted with teary eyes.

"Oh sweetheart." Stef hugged her. "We would never stop fighting for you and wanting to know your sister and even your father isn't a bad thing.

"You're not mad about it?" Callie asked, just to make sure.

"Not at all." Lena said. "We understand completely."

"Sweetheart, you know that you are already one of us." Stef said. "Adopted or not you're already our daughter and there is nothing you can't share with us."

"I'm sorry." Callie said, feeling bad that she had underestimated them.

"If all this between mom and I hadn't happened would you have told us?" Lena asked curiously. She was beginning to realize that the kids weren't being honest with either of them anymore and they had to put a stop to that.

"I guess." Callie admitted. "I just didn't want to add to everything."

Both women sighed as she glanced at each other, silently agreeing that they had to work out their problems and come to one decision or another before it destroyed their entire family.

"Callie, we are never too busy, or too preoccupied or too anything to help you or your brothers and sister." Lena said firmly. "If any of you have a problem or something to share you have first dibs on our time."

"Mama's right." Stef said. "Nothing is more important that the five of you."

"I guess I knew that." Callie said, smiling a little. "I just got nervous."

"No more secrets okay." Stef said and received a nod from Callie before they sent her on her way.

* * *

Callie headed straight to Brandon's room and barged in without knocking. He was at his keyboard with his earphones on but he had heard the door and turned around.

"I'm sorry." He said guiltily. "I shouldn't have done that." He was prepared for her outburst and knew he deserved it.

"Thank you." Callie said with a straight face.

"Anytime." Brandon said, relieve that he had done the right thing. He watched as she left, smiling slightly at the fact that she now wasn't so worried anymore.

* * *

"We need to make some decisions." Lena said once Callie was gone. "It's affecting the kids too much."

"I agree." Stef said though she was terrified of what those decisions were. Now that she knew what was bothering Callie and had sorted her issues out she was back to worrying about her marriage.

"I know you're sorry and you've been giving me the space I asked for but we need to talk about it now." Lena said, unsure of how to start.

"I am sorry and I know you're hurting and I don't blame you." Stef said. "I can't believe I hurt you like that. I honestly have no explanation." And she didn't, for the one possibility she thought she had wasn't even true.

"Neither did I." Lena said, trying to keep her composure. "So what do we do now?"

"I'm not sure." Stef admitted. "I don't want to move out." She said honestly, afraid that that's what Lena wanted her to do. "I know you can barely stand to look at me right now but I don't want to go anywhere."

Lena sighed. It wasn't what she wanted either but what else was there? If they stayed in the same room she was sure they'd keep arguing and nothing would get solved.

"I should stop blaming you for everything." Lena finally said. "I know I've been throwing it all at you lately."

"It's okay." Stef assured her. "I get it."

"No, it's not." Lena said. "It's not good for the kids."

"I could continue sleeping on the couch." Stef suggested. "And we talk a little everyday until we figure something out." She said.

"But that's no different from right now." Lena said.

Stef sighed, realizing that moving out seemed to be the only option. "I love you Lena." Her eyes filling with tears as she said it. "I hate myself for what I did to you but I can't live without you. I need you to forgive me and I will do anything to make that happen."

Lena was crying too. Somehow they both knew that this was an end, at least for a while. If they had any hope of making things right then they had to split.

"The kids still need you." Lena said, not wanting Stef to leave but still needing her to.

"I'm there for them." Stef said.

"All of them?" Lena asked, her hand going protectively over her stomach.

"All of them." Stef whispered, looking longingly into Lena's eyes as she too reached out her hand to cover Lena's.

"This is just temporary." Lena said, more to assure herself than Stef.

Stef nodded, knowing that they had finally made a decision - albeit one that she hated. "I'll start looking tomorrow."

"Somewhere close, and safe." Lena said, knowing that Stef would look for the cheapest one she could find.

"I promise." Stef said.

The two stared at each other for a long moment before Stef leaned in and kissed Lena, receiving one in return. Their tears mixed together as the two just sat in their bubble for a moment before Stef finally pulled away, knowing that if she didn't go now then she never would.

Lena watched as Stef headed down to the couch and just as the bedroom door closed behind her she heard Stef's phone ring and Stef answer.

* * *

"Hey Harry." Stef said as she headed downstairs, wondering why her investigator friend was calling.


	12. Chapter 12

"Hey Stef." Harry said. "I called about that test you wanted done."

"Yes." Stef said. "I got the results, thanks."

"The test was for you personally?" Harry asked.

"It was." Stef said softly.

"When exactly do you think you were drugged?" Harry asked curiously.

"Almost two weeks ago." Stef answered wondering why he wanted to know this.

"And they only did a blood and urine test?" Harry asked.

"Yes." Stef said, trying to figure out his line of thought.

"I think you should come down again." Harry told her.

"Why?" Stef asked. She definitely didn't want to be told again that she hadn't been drugged.

"For a hair test." Harry said. "Blood and Urine only really work for about forty-eight to seventy-two hours tops but tends to stay in the hair for anywhere up to eight weeks."

"Are you sure about this?" Stef asked, once again thinking that she didn't want another report saying that she'd been clean when she cheated on her wife.

"Positive." Harry answered.

"Okay, I'll be down first thing in the morning." Stef said.

"Great, I'll be there to instruct the guys on what tests to do." Harry offered kindly.

"Thanks Harry. I appreciate it." Stef said before hanging up, once again filled with the hope that she hadn't done this on purpose.

* * *

Once again Stef found herself waiting - only this time she was waiting for almost forty-eight hours. They had taken a sample of her hair, right from the root and told her they'd get back to her as soon as possible. She had headed back to the station and sat at a desk all day not really paying attention to anything in front of her. She felt a little bad because she knew that the next person would have to finish her incomplete work but she just couldn't concentrate. The fact that they had decided to have her move out made her even more desperate for these results and absolutely nothing else could occupy her mind.

She went home that evening with a few apartment options and just like Lena had predicted she'd selected a few of the cheaper ones as the better ones closer to home were out of their budget.

"You can't live down there." Lena said as she looked through the five or six apartments Stef had found.

"It's all we can afford love." Stef said. "The ones up here are almost two thousand dollars a month and we just don't have that."

"Then we wait." Lena said, refusing to send her wife to some rundown apartment no matter how hurt she was.

"It's never gonna get cheaper honey." Stef said. It wasn't that she wanted to leave but she knew that even waiting wasn't going to change anything.

"We'll figure something out." Lena said. "For now it's working and our talking is helping the kids so we'll just stay as we are."

Stef wanted to argue. She wanted to say that she hated the way things were but she didn't. She wasn't sure what would help them move forward - if she stayed Lena may get over it and forgive her or she may continue to be angry and if she left then it may be easier for Lena to let her go or maybe give them the space and time they need to make things right - but Stef just didn't know the answer.

"Have you spoken to Callie today?" Stef asked.

"Yes." Lena said. "She's okay. Relieved that she doesn't have to feel bad about wanting to meet Sophia."

"And Jude?" Stef asked. The moms had been worried about how he'd take the news.

"She isn't ready to tell him just yet." Lena said. "I think she's still trying to wrap her own mind around it all."

"Okay." Stef said in understanding.

"She wants you to go with her." Lena said. "When she goes to meet them."

"Me?" Stef asked in surprise.

"Yes you." Lena smiled slightly.

"Really?" Stef asked. "You're the one that stays calm during these kinds of things." She pointed out, knowing that Callie wouldn't want her to lose her temper for the way Robert had followed Callie.

"And you're the one that keeps them safe." Lena said. "She's already feeling insecure, she needs someone who can fight for her."

"Obviously they haven't ever really seen you fight." Stef said fondly, thinking back on all the times that Lena had fought school boards, parents and teachers for kids.

"I'm just a little more diplomatic about it." Lena smirked back.

"Uh huh." Stef said sarcastically.

"Just go with her." Lena finally said.

"I will." Stef answered.

* * *

Both moms made it a point to talk to the kids and each other during dinner. They didn't want the kids to feel like they couldn't be approached and the kids seemed more relaxed themselves. All of them talked about their day and for just a couple of hours things seemed like old times.

Stef, however, continued to worry about Lena and the baby and tried to keep things as stress-free as possible but it wasn't easy considering the circumstances. But still, Stef was there whenever Lena needed her. When Lena was feeling particularly tired one day Stef took over the laundry and the dishes and when the seasoning of the halibut she made her sick Stef got rid of it and Lena made it a point to be grateful to her for it.

* * *

The two days finally pass, gruelingly slowly and finally on Saturday morning Stef called Harry to find out if her results had come in.

"Can you come down here?" Harry asked and instantly Stef knew something was wrong.

"I'll be there in twenty minutes." Stef said. She hadn't even set up her desk yet and was already on her way.

"What's up?" She asked as she entered Harry's office.

Harry just passed her a manila envelope with her name across the top. Stef carefully opened it and just like before there was a list of drugs with the word NIL written beside it but next to one - Gamma Hydroxybutyrate - the word PRESENT flashed before her eyes.

"I'm sorry Stef." Harry said sympathetically. "I'll give you a few minutes to process this and then I'll come back and ask you some questions and we'll get to the bottom of this."

Stef couldn't reply. On the one hand she was so relieved that she finally had a reason for what she'd done to Lena but on the other, she felt confused, exposed, violated.

* * *

She spent the next several hours answering every question Harry and his partner could think of though every second she got she wondered how to tell Lena. Even though she now knew the truth she still felt like it didn't completely justify her actions. Whatever the reason Lena had gotten hurt and Stef just couldn't forgive herself for that.

She drove home slowly, rehearsing everything she'd say to try to explain to Lena what she'd found out, knowing that by the time she got home and Lena was facing her waiting for her to talk, all the planning would go out the window and she'd find herself at a loss for words but she practiced anyway; occasionally glancing at the envelope laying on the passenger seat.

* * *

But when Stef got home she knew that it wasn't the right time. Lena was lecturing Jesus about failing his biology test even though she'd worked so hard with him.

"If you can't keep your grades up you're going to be benched again." Lena reminded him. "Wrestling isn't everything."

"I know." Jesus defended. "It's just hard."

"Then maybe we should stop the wrestling completely." Lena suggested. "Then you'll have plenty of free time and it won't be so hard."

"You can't do that." Jesus said defensively.

"Watch me." Lena replied, a fierceness in her eyes.

"Look, I'll work harder. I promise." Jesus tried to promise. "I'll get a tutor or something."

"One more test like this and that's the end." Lena warned.

"Deal." Jesus answered, heading upstairs before Lena could change her mind.

Stef could see the anger in Lena's face and knew that right now just wasn't the time give her the news. She wasn't sure how Lena would take it anyways and she wasn't sure she herself was ready to find out.


	13. Chapter 13

As Stef lay awake that night, down on the couch, her mind just couldn't stop thinking. How she wished she could just fall asleep and forget for a few hours but it was not to be. The severity of the situation was starting to register. Through the day she had been in a sort of daze - almost like this was happening to someone else and she was just watching. But now, it was dark and quiet and she was alone and there was absolutely nothing to distract her and so she finally let herself actually think about what had happened - and so she cried - she cried like she'd never cried before until her eyes were puffy, her head felt full and heavy and her nose was completely blocked - but still she cried and when the sobs got louder she buried her head in her pillow and just continued.

It was past two when she was finally all cried out and as she wiped at her wet eyes and brushed the hair off her now sticky face she felt much more relaxed. She knew that she would have a lot to deal with that wouldn't include Lena but her first priority was Lena. All she really needed was for Lena to forgive her and for the two of them to go back to the way things were before this horrific incident and she knew that if that happened then she could get through anything.

* * *

Although she only managed to sleep closer to four that morning Stef was wide awake by seven. It was Sunday so she knew that the kids wouldn't be up for another couple of hours at least and even Lena would sleep till about eight so Stef did something she hadn't done in a very long time - She went for a run. She headed up to hear room for some clothes, changed and headed out the door. She ran all the way down to the beach and then and then for another mile before turning around. It was past eight thirty by the time she reached her driveway and she knew that Lena at least would be up by now but she found she wasn't dreading seeing her as much as she had been all these days. The run had cleared her head and the more tired she got the less she thought until finally her mind had cleared completely and all she could focus on was the beating of her heart and concentrating on breathing in and out.

As Stef had expected Lena was up and dressed and in the kitchen emptying the dishwasher and her nose crinkled slightly at the sight of her wife despite being mad at her - Stef was sweaty, flushed and panting hard as she headed towards the fridge for a bottle of water before heading up for a shower.

* * *

After lunch only Callie, Jude and Jesus were home with the moms and so the boys decided to start a movie and was soon joined by Lena and Callie. This gave Stef some time to herself without being disturbed. She headed to the kitchen table with the manila envelope that she had left in her car and began earnestly going through it's contents. She knew that Harry was investigating and had gone down to the hotel to get some video footage and some answers but still she needed to go over the papers for her own understanding. Along with the three tests, the envelope also contained a short writeup about date-rape drugs as well as a detailed description of the drug found in her system along with it's uses, side effects and composition as well as a sheet of names and numbers of psychologists that had experience with incidents like this and lastly a legal form for Stef to fill out for when they did learn the truth about what happened to her that night. One other paper had already been signed and returned giving Harry the permission to investigate in the first place.

Stef was sitting at the table in the kitchen going over each document carefully while the rest of her family enjoyed the movie. She first went through the blood and urine tests before moving on to the hair test. The sheet explaining about date-rape drugs in general and the one about GHB explained how traces remain in the hair longer than the rest of the body and Stef felt thankful to Harry for giving her that information. As if on cue her phone began to ring and Stef grabbed the phone and headed out back when she saw Harry's name flash across the screen.

* * *

The sound of Stef's phone and the back door opening and closing pulled Lena out of the world of the movie and she realized that she was hungry and if she didn't eat something soon she's start to feel nauseous so she headed into the kitchen to find a snack. Stef rarely brought work home with her but right now Lena assumed it was more to give her something to do rather than the need to actually get it done so she didn't think too much of it until she noticed Stef's name printed in bold letters across the top of the envelope. Suddenly Lena was curious so she began looking through the papers littered across the table. She found the legal forms and the drug descriptions but still didn't pay too much attention until she came across the drug tests themselves. The fact that Stef's name was on the top of those as well caused her to actually sit down and go through them. She noticed that two of them were all negative but the third had one drug that was positive and Lena held her breath as she looked out the window at her wife who was completely engrossed in her phone call and had no idea that Lena was watching her. That is until she hung up the phone and opened the back door to continue her work.

* * *

Harry had called to let Stef know what he'd found at the hotel. First they had demanded copies of the tapes in and around the bar however while two of them showed Stef with the bartender Andrea and another one showed Andrea helping her into the storage room, none of them actually showed what had happened or how. But that itself was enough for them to go digging further and as they interrogated all the staff Inca admitted to talking to Andrea about the lesbian couple right before she entered the bar but knew nothing after that. An investigation of Andrea's personal belongings uncovered the remaining two pills she had saved and out of fear Andrea finally admitted to what she'd done. She told them that she hadn't planned on doing anything but just wanted answers and only went forward when Stef herself offered to show her. Andrea had been taken into custody and could get anywhere from twenty years to life in prison.

Stef thanked Harry and hung up the phone feeling both relieved and nervous at the same time. Now that she knew the truth she felt so much better knowing that even though she'd hurt Lena she hadn't just done it out of anger or free will but at the same time she felt nervous knowing that voluntary or not she had still hurt Lena and if Lena still couldn't forgive her then her marriage was obviously over. Stef headed back inside, planning on returning to her papers when she spotted Lena staring back at her with wide eyes and a shocked expression on her face.


	14. Chapter 14

"What is this?" Lena asked, holding up the tests.

"A drug test." Stef answered softly.

"For you." Lena stated.

"Yes." Stef said.

"Why?" Lena asked.

But Stef remained silent. She was nervous and still trying to wrap her mind around everything she'd just learned from Harry.

"Why?" Lena asked again, more firmly this time.

"Because I just couldn't believe that I just cheated on you." Stef explained.

"Only one is positive." Lena said, looking back down at the sheets in her hand.

"Yes." Stef said.

"But they are all the same drugs." Lena pointed out, confused about why they weren't all positive for this GHB or whatever.

"They are." Stef answered. "But the two negative ones are because drugs don't show up in the blood or urine after a few days but traces remain in the hair for weeks.

"So you were drugged." Lena finally said, though she already knew the answer.

"Yes." Stef said, her face showing absolutely no emotion.

"Which means you were raped." Lena stated in the same tone, though much softer in volume.

"Lena..." Stef began but then stopped, trying to find a way to explain to her that she didn't really care about anything except the two of them and their marriage. She hadn't done this for sympathy or to prove she was a victim but solely to understand how and why she had done what she'd done and hurt the one person that meant more to her than the entire world.

"What is this anyways?" Lena asked, not ready to deal with that just yet. "What is GHB?"

"Gamma Hydroxybutyrate." Stef answered. She knew that it wouldn't clear anything up for her wife so she explained what she knew. "It's a common date-rape drug known as Cherry Meth or Fantasy on the streets. Unlike Roofies it doesn't make you blank out completely but instead lowers your inhibitions even though you know what's happening and remember almost everything afterwords. It's why I didn't feel guilty even when I saw you standing there."

"When did you find out?" Lena asked.

"This test came back positive yesterday." Stef said. "I had the first tests done on Tuesday."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Lena asked.

Stef wasn't sure how to answer that question simply because she was afraid of Lena's answer. Having Lena mad at her for something she did that hurt her was one thing but knowing that she didn't forgive her after learning the truth was a whole different story.

"Why?" Lena asked again, aware that Stef was avoiding saying what she was thinking.

"I wasn't ready yet." Stef answered honestly. "I couldn't deal with you still being mad at me."

"So you just kept it to yourself?" Lena asked, the annoyance at Stef's secrecy evident in her voice.

"I wasn't looking for an excuse, Lena." Stef tried to explain. "I just needed to understand. I just couldn't believe that I'd done that to you. I love you far too much for that."

Lena couldn't help but think back to the conversation that she had had with Brandon just a short while ago and felt just a momentary pang of guilt that she had ever doubted Stef. She realized that the reason she was so hurt and angry was because she'd never, even in the slightest measure, expected Stef to do this to her. She had been living in a bubble where she though Stef would never hurt her and when that bubble had burst she was more hurt than ever. Even Stef had believed it for a while so why was it wrong for her to be angry?

"When were you planning to tell me?" Lena asked, wondering if she even though about it.

"When we had more information, I guess." Stef answered as honestly as she could having no definite answer to that question.

"It was that girl?" Lena said, almost knowing it had to be here.

"She was the bartender." Stef explained whatever Harry had told her just a few minutes ago. "Apparently she's been a closeted gay for years and wanted answers and saw an opportunity when that masseuse told her I was gay. They found two more pills in her locker and she finally admitted to putting it in my drink. She said she'd gotten them from some guy they had frisked earlier in the week and just kept them. She claims she hadn't planned to go that far and only did because I made the first move."

"And you remember it all." Lena stated, remembering Stef telling her what it was like.

"Most of it." Stef said. "It's not a complete blank."

That was the part that seemed to keep Lena from just forgiving Stef instantly - Stef knew what she was doing, she was aware of what was going on, she had _seen_ her standing there but still just continued. Lena understood that it was the drugs but still it hurt her more than she could imagine.

"What happens now?" Lena asked, wondering what would happen to the girl.

"She goes before a judge and can get anything from twenty years to life in prison." Stef told her.

"Do you have to go?" Lena asked, wondering how involved Stef had to be now that the girl admitted.

"I'm not sure." Stef said. "Maybe just once or twice to tell them what I know."

"But you don't know when." Lena stated, understanding that Stef didn't know much more than she'd told her already.

"No." Stef answered. "But not for a while I'd guess."

Lena nodded as she glanced back down at the papers in her hands, still trying to process everything she'd learned so far.

"I need some time." Lena said softly, aware that it wasn't fair to Stef but she needed a little space to just deal with it all.

"I understand." Stef said. She was a little hurt that Lena couldn't just forgive her but she knew that she had hurt Lena more than anything and she herself needed some time to just process it all.

* * *

Through the day both women were in their own worlds thinking about what Stef had found out. Stef had given Lena the envelope and Lena was up in their room reading everything about it. She didn't understand most of the stuff but was only really interested in the effects when used as a date-rape drug. Stef got the occasional phone call from Harry giving her an update on what was happening but they had found out all the information they were going to so really he had nothing to say.

The kids for their part didn't really notice anything strange between their parents simply because the distance had become the norm lately. Mariana and Brandon were out most of the day and even Callie and Jesus went out in the evening once the movie was over. Jude spent his evening in his room playing games on his iPad.

"Are you okay?" Lena asked Stef when she finally came downstairs to start dinner.

"Yes." Stef said. "Are you?" She asked, worried about the baby as she glanced down towards her wife's belly.

"I'm okay." Lena promised, a hand protectively over her stomach.

"Okay but if you need anything or you just feel something let me know." Stef told her. "We'll take you back to doctor Hillcroft. She said that you needed to stay stress-free and take things easy.

"I'm okay but I'll let you know if I need something." Lena said again, knowing that Stef had a lot to deal with without worrying about her.

"Okay." Stef said satisfied. Lena wasn't the type to put any of her kids in danger just because of her anger or mood.

"What would you like for dinner?" Lena asked. It was the first time in two weeks that she had consulted her wife about something so trivial as dinner and Stef knew she was trying to make an effort not to blame her for what she'd done.

"Anythings fine." Stef said, thinking that Lena could make whatever she fancied.

Lena nodded but looked away and Stef instantly knew her answer had been wrong. Lena was reaching out in just a small way and Stef hadn't done the same.

"How about roast beaf with vegetables and potato salad." Stef suggested and saw the faintest of smiles creep up Lena's face as she nodded in agreement.

Lena was just about to head to the kitchen to start dinner when Stef stopped her once more.

"I want to tell the kids." Stef said softly afraid of what Lena's reaction would be.

"Okay." Lena said cautiously. She figured Stef wanted them to know that she hadn't done this on purpose so that they would forgive her but she should have known that that would be the last thing Stef was worried about.

"I want them to be aware of what's out there. It's apparently far easier than even I thought to be drugged and tricked and I want them to know how to be careful." Stef said, a concerned worry evident in her eyes.

"We'll talk to them." Lena agreed both for Stef's sake as well as the children.

"Tonight." Stef said, thinking back to the night Mariana had come home drunk - how easily it could have been her. The thought made her physically shudder causing Lena to look worried.

"Are you okay?" Lena asked as she took a step towards Stef.

"Yes." Stef brushed her off. "I just want them to know what to be careful of. I want them to know so it won't happen to them."

For the first time since Lena found the tests she saw a lone tear slide down Stef's cheek and with a long, uneven breath she took two steps towards Stef and reached out to brush it away gently with her thumb. The action, however, resulted in more tears cascading down her face.

"I don't want this to ever happen to them." Stef said softly, but with a strong determination in her voice. "To any of you."

"We'll talk to them." Lena assured her. She would have liked to say that that it wouldn't but how could she make a promise like that - after they never expected it to happen to Stef either.


	15. Chapter 15

After dinner all the kids were sitting in the living room nervously waiting for whatever it was that their moms had to say to them. They knew that the tension had risen between them and they had caught them whispering to each other all day but they weren't the kind of whispers that promised a good outcome so the kids were anxious.

"So what's happening?" Jesus asked, the first one to break the silence.

Lena looked over at Stef and saw that she was nervous about this conversation. She reached out to grab Stef's hand and was a little surprised by the strength with which Stef held back - like she was hanging on for dear life.

Stef needed this. She needed the assurance and the support because as much as she wanted to have this conversation she didn't know how to start. She didn't want to bring this kind of a danger into their safe little bubble. Her kids had already been through enough without being afraid that the horrors of the outside world was seeping into theirs.

"We have something to tell you." Lena began when it became apparent that Stef wasn't going to; at least not until the words were actually said. "It's not easy and we want you all to just relax. There's nothing to be afraid of or nervous about and if you have any questions or concerns you come to us with them."

"Are you splitting up?" Jude asked, surprising everyone.

"No." Lena said quickly and she could feel Stef relax just a little bit beside her. "Nothing like that. In fact, it's just the opposite." She turned her glance towards her eldest son - the only one who truly believed in Stef through all this when even Stef herself had her doubts. "We found out why mom did what she did and... well... it turns out that she was tricked into having sex with someone else."

"Tricked?" Mariana and Brandon asked together as equally confused expressions filled the others' faces as well.

Stef knew it was time for her to take over. She appreciated Lena taking the lead but this was something she had to do.

"When mama and I fought I went to the hotel bar and the bartender there but a drug into my drink." Stef explained, her voice far steadier than even she thought possible.

"Like Roofies?" Jesus asked. He knew what that did but at the same time he couldn't believe that it had actually happened to someone he knew - someone he lives with.

"It's called Gamma Hydroxybutyrate." Stef said.

"What?" Mariana asked. "I've never even heard of it."

"Good." Lena said, relief filling her voice that her kids weren't involved in these types of drugs.

"It's not good." Stef disagreed. "You guys need to be aware of what's out there and what can happen."

"So what is it exactly?" Mariana asked.

"It's a date-rape drug." Stef began and saw the immediate change in her kids - up until now the thought of rape hadn't crossed their minds. She needed to continue before that became their focus. She wasn't quite ready to deal with that just yet. "It's similar to Roofies but there are some differences. With roofies you completely blank out and have no idea what happened when you wake up. Sometimes people don't even know they've been raped for a while. But this GHB or Cherry Meth as it's called on the streets you remember things. All it really does is lower your inhibitions so you are aware of what's happening you just don't realize that it's wrong or that you may not actually want it."

"That's why you thought you'd cheated." Brandon said, a wave of understanding washing over him.

"Yes." Stef said. "I remembered it all, including the feeling of not caring but I didn't know about the drug so I had no reason to think otherwise."

Brandon glanced at Lena then and saw her looking back, both of them thinking that he had been right all along - his mother would never have done this willingly.

"So how did you find out?" Callie asked. The fact that Stef had been raped confused her in ways she couldn't quite understand.

"We had a victim a few days ago that was drugged and raped and left in dead in an alley and it just got me thinking." Stef explained. "I did a test on myself. I may not have even thought about it had I not seen it so many times in my job."

"You would have just continued to think you cheated." Mariana said knowingly.

"Yes." Stef said, looking down, still upset that she had hurt Lena in any way.

"What happens now?" Mariana asked.

"Well, the girl goes to jail." Stef said. "She admitted to the crime and was in possession of more of the drugs so she will be locked up for at least twenty years."

"Well what about you?" Brandon asked, worried about his mom.

"I will be fine." Stef said. "I may have to go to court once or twice to give my side of the story but with her admitting it there's really no problem."

"Are you okay?" Callie asked, still focused on the 'rape'.

"I am." Stef said somewhat honestly. "I haven't really had a lot of time to process it all and I will have to speak to someone about this for a while but I think I'm okay."

"Well what about you guys?" Mariana asked, looking between both moms. She wanted to know that they were okay and that they were going to stay that way.

Lena hesitated for just a moment but it was a moment too long and everyone caught on.

"Mama needs a little time to think about all this just like I do and just like all of you will." Stef tried to justify. "We all need some time to process this."

"But you're not leaving are you?" Mariana asked.

"No." Stef and Lena said together. "No one is going anywhere." Stef added.

The relief was clear on all the kids faces though it didn't go unnoticed by either mom that Jesus had become uncharacteristically quiet.

"We will talk about this some more tomorrow." Stef said, realizing that it was getting late and the kids had school the next day. "And like mama said, if you have questions or fears or anything at all we want you to come to us. You don't have to feel like you can't talk to us."

"And please don't say anything about any of this to your friends." Lena added. Their own family needed to come to terms with it before it began to spread. "If you don't want to talk to us go to the school guidance councilor. I'll explain the situation to her tomorrow so that she knows what's happening and can help you, can help all of us."

The kids nodded and began to stand one by one giving Stef a pained look of sympathy.

"I'm sorry." Jesus said, almost choking on emotion. "I should have known, I shouldn't have..."

But Stef cut him off. "Honey, even I didn't know so there is no way you could have." She reached out for him and he fell into her arms like a little boy. "And honestly, I loved the way you protected mama. Believe me I wanted to protect her just as much and I was just as angry at myself for hurting her like that."

"Are you really okay?" Jesus asked, still feeling guilty for the way he'd been treating his mother.

"I am baby." Stef assured him.

"Okay, well I'm here if you need anything." He said.

Stef smiled at her son, proud of him. He had been angry with her but he was protecting Lena and Stef loved that about him and was even more proud that he accepted his mistake when he realized that he was wrong even though she didn't fault him one bit - like she said, she had believed it too.

* * *

Soon it was just Stef and Lena left in the living room.

"We need to keep talking to them." Lena said as she turned to Stef. "I don't want them to bottle anything up or become afraid."

"Me neither." Stef agreed completely.

"I thought I might start alone tomorrow." Lena said. "Just in case they feel nervous to say anything in front of you." Lena saw the hurt look on Stef's face at the thought that their children might not want to talk to her. "I just want some time to assure them that they can come to both of us." Lena tried to explain, not wanting to hurt Stef further. "They just might not want to say the wrong thing in front of you."

"No, you're right. I understand." Stef said and she did. It made sense but she just hoped that with time the kids would open up to her as well. She didn't want to be treated like some victim that needed to be protected - she was the one that did the protecting.

"Okay." Lena said. "I'll make sure they know they can talk to you too."

"I appreciate that." Stef said. "We should get to bed. It's late." They both had work in the morning and it had been a long, emotional day for everyone.

Lena nodded but for just a moment a flash of nervousness filled her face but she couldn't hide it from her ever-observant wife.

"I'll stay down here." Stef said reassuringly. She understood that Lena needed time. In all honesty so did she. It hadn't fully sunk in yet and she imagined it was just as hard for Lena.

"I'm sorry." Lena said, tears filling her eyes, wishing she could just get over it already.

"I know." Stef said. "I get it. I hardly believe it myself and I think some space is good. We all need a while to figure this out."

Lena nodded sadly as she leaned in and kissed Stef, softly before heading upstairs alone.


	16. Chapter 16

Just as Stef expected she crashed the moment her head hit her pillow on the couch. She was physically and emotionally drained and the tension and nervousness of the last few days had wiped her out and now that Lena knew the truth and her marriage wasn't on such rocky ground anymore Stef felt relaxed enough to actually sleep soundly.

But Lena on the other hand lay awake for hours. She couldn't get over the guilty feeling at not being able to just forgive Stef. She understood that it wasn't Stef's fault and that Stef must be just as upset and confused but she was finding it hard to just let go. It had taken her two weeks to come to terms with the fact that Stef had cheated on her and now the tables had turned again and Lena was just having trouble keeping up. She supposed her overworking hormones and moods played a part in it all but in the end she knew she wasn't treating Stef well and with that thought she got up and headed downstairs, hoping to talk to Stef and get to up to bed where she belonged.

But when Lena got there Stef was fast asleep and for the first time in weeks she actually looked relaxed - like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders and Lena knew it was from knowing that their marriage wasn't at risk any more. Lena didn't have the heart to wake Stef but at the same time she wanted to be near her so she curled up on one of the single chairs and soon fell asleep.

* * *

Stef woke up at five-thirty the following morning. She wasn't sure what had woken her but she was sure she'd heard something and as she looked around she noticed Lena asleep in the chair, fidgeting uncomfortably. She instantly got up to wake her.

"Lena, what are you doing down here?" Stef asked as she gently shook Lena awake.

"Hum..." Lena asked groggily as she registered where she was.

"Why are you here?" Stef asked again.

"I came to get you but you were asleep so I stayed." Lena explained, still half asleep.

"When did you come down?" Stef asked, wondering how long Lena had been in that chair.

"I came down at two-forty." Lena answered.

"Well come on, let's get you back upstairs." Stef said, helping her up. "This can't be comfortable."

"I'm okay." Lena said. "I slept."

"Yeah well, now you can sleep upstairs." Stef answered her.

The two headed upstairs and Stef was guiding Lena to bed when Lena stopped her.

"I'm sorry Stef." Lena said, turning around to face her wife. "I haven't done this right." She felt like she was talking to a stranger, not someone she'd spent the last eleven years building a life with.

"It's fine love." Stef tried to reassure her.

"No, it's not. This wasn't your fault and I've still been treating you as though it is." Lena said, thinking how easily Jesus had accepted his mistake.

"I should never have left that night Lena." Stef said. "And I shouldn't have drunk like that."

"And I shouldn't have said what I did." Lena said. "We were both at fault for not communicating. I was wrong for putting all the blame on you."

"Lena, honestly I don't care about whose fault it was or who was wrong." Stef said, taking Lena's hands. "All I need is you. All I want is you. And I don't blame you for being angry and upset, I was too. Even after knowing the truth I still feel guilty. I shouldn't have left like that and I get that it's hard, it's hard for me too but I need you to forgive me Lena, I can't go on without you."

"I do forgive you Stef." Lena said. "I forgave you right then it's just..." But she couldn't say it.

"It's just what?" Stef asked, encouraging her to go on. "Say it. This is us communicating."

Lena looked at Stef for a long moment before she spoke. "I just can't get the image of the two of you out of my head."

Stef looked away, filled with sadness. "I'm sorry love." She said softly.

"I know." Lena said. "I'm sorry too."

"You don't have to be sorry." Stef said. "I hurt you and I hate myself for it. The most important thing to me is you and our kids and I never wanted to hurt any of you."

"But what about you Stef?" Lena asked, forcing Stef to face what happened to her. "What about what happened to you."

"It happened." Stef said flatly. "I can't change it so there's no use dwelling on it."

"You have to see someone." Lena said, knowing that Stef would try to just bury it instead of facing it.

"Let's see how things go." Stef suggested, not willing to make any commitments right now.

"I could go with you." Lena said, knowing that it would make Stef give it a second thought.

Stef smiled, her eyes filled with tears. "I'd like that." She said. "We'll talk about it in the morning but for now can we just cuddle please. I really just want to hold you."

Lena's eyes were teary too as she nodded and the two of them lay down, both holding each other and finally feeling whole again.

* * *

"You're going to work today?" Callie asked as Stef came downstairs dressed in her uniform.

"It's Monday." Stef answered in an obvious tone.

"Yeah but shouldn't you..." But Callie trailed off. She was taking a lot of cues from Stef since she was the only one who could now understand what Callie had been through - at least in some measure.

"I'm fine love." Stef assured her daughter as well as everyone else at the table. "Besides better to keep myself busy, right?"

"Are you going to at the station or out on patrol?" Mariana asked.

"I'll stay at the station for a few days." Stef answered, knowing that they would worry if she went out. "I will be fine, I promise."

Lena set a plate of eggs and bacon in front of Stef, giving her a grateful smile for her decision to stay in and do paperwork.

"I do want all of you to be aware though." Stef said, thinking that she hadn't made her point clear enough the night before. "You are all at an age where you try new things. Smoking, drinking, drugs, they can all cause trouble and you've seen it first hand but even when you think everything is safe you may be in trouble."

"Like Brandon and the brownies?" Jesus teased, grinning at his older brother.

"Among other things." Stef said, glad that things were going back to normal. "When you go to parties, even ones at friends houses, be careful about what you eat and drink and never leave your drink unattended. If you haven't been keeping an eye on it, leave it and get another one."

"I never even knew this stuff could happen." Mariana said, still shocked that it had happened to her own mother. "I mean, I knew it _could_ happen but I never imagined it _would_ happen."

"Honestly, neither did I." Stef admitted. "And I see it so often at work."

"But mom's right." Lena interjected. "You guys need to be smart about the choices you make."

Each kid ate silently thinking about how easy it suddenly seemed. Brandon had the pot brownie without knowing what was in it and both him and Mariana could have taken a random pill at the Pharm. party and ended up like the girl Mariana was locked up with. Mariana got so drunk at Wyatt's house but she had no idea what she'd been drinking, let alone what was in her drink. Callie wondered what would have happened had she too been drunk at Wyatt's party and then run into Liam.

"I think we should have a family night." Jude said. "Do something together." He always enjoyed family night, he'd never had though before coming to this house.

"Like a movie?" Jesus asked.

"Anything." Jude said. "As long as we're together."

Stef hesitated for a moment, wondering whether both Lena and herself were ready for that but it was Lena who agreed instantly.

"I think that's a great idea." Lena said, smiling at her youngest son who looked proud at having suggested it.

Stef watched as the kids all began giving suggestions for what to do and as she looked at each child she could see them coming out of the protective shells they had all built since this whole mess started. Brandon and Jesus who had barely spoken to each other were teasing each other, Callie wasn't so silent and Mariana and Jude were gaining back their confidence and security. Stef then glanced at Lena and found her looking back. She slowly reached out her hand across the table and smiled when Lena took it. Neither of them really cared what the kids decided, just as long as they were doing it all together.

* * *

It hadn't been an easy road for anyone but just like everything else they had gotten through it together. Each one had been hurt and hurt someone else in some way or another but in the end they stuck by each other and made it through. They would all help each other heal and forgive each other's mistakes. The only thing that really mattered was that they stayed together.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

First, thanks for the amazing reviews and an extra thanks to all those who tried to make up for the bad reviews left by a couple of people. I love writing and though I often consider giving up posting when people are just mean for no reason, I realize that just the writing makes me happy and like people keep pointing out - it's just one or two people who are mean.

This story sort of took on a life of it's own - for example, I didn't know this was going to be the last chapter until I actually finished it.

I didn't want this story to play out too similarly to **Irrevocable** so I changed the way the character's responded to the situation and I know some of you didn't like that Stef took so long to figure things out or that Lena took a while to forgive her but here's why...

It took a while for Stef to start thinking like a cop because she was too busy thinking about her mistake. She was so focused on her family that it wasn't the first thought in her head... I don't think that's out of character - she's a woman, wife and mother first and a cop later. Had someone been in danger maybe she'd think more rationally but she felt this was her fault and she was in pain.

Lena's attitude is also skewed because she's hurting. She had been living in a bubble where nothing could hurt her and then the one person that was meant to always be there for her had betrayed her and finding out that it wasn't on purpose wasn't so easy for her to deal with because she had put so much energy into accepting what Stef had done that she was protecting herself in a way. She was still hurting, whether Stef had hurt her deliberately or not.

I know I overuse Callie's insecurity of not being adopted but honestly, it would be the most worrying thing for her. How could she get worked up over other stuff when her life and future are hanging by a thread?

I gave Brandon a chance this time... I don't particularly like his character too much. I agree with Jesus that he get's away with all kinds of crap and thinks he's greater than everyone else but in this story it fit to have him believe in Stef since he was the only one to know her before Lena came into their lives.

As for the twins and Jude I just tossed things up a bit. I made Jesus protective and Mariana insecure and had Jude do something different than stick to Callie which is what he does in most stories.

I didn't focus on Stef dealing with the whole situation since that wasn't what the story was about but you get the notion that with Lena's help they get through that as well.

Like I said right at the beginning, I found this extremely hard to write since I can't imagine Stef doing something like this to Lena and by the previews it looks like I was right. I don't think Lena will cheat with Monty but the kiss is only to add drama to the show but still I feel it's more something Lena might do... and again, before people get mad, I'm not saying she doesn't love Stef with all her heart.

I wrote this today since I was really upset about the possibility of Lena making that mistake and again, while I don't think she'll cheat - there will be trouble but just like in this story and the ones before, they will get through it together.

**Life**_(For Stef and Lena, The Fosters)_

Life may not be perfect

it will have it's ups and downs

There may be many trials

Many smiles and many frowns

Many tests and many troubles

Many joys and many wins

And each of us will do our part

Sometimes virtues, sometimes sins

But the goal we must remember

for which we all must strive

is to go through life together

hand in hand and side by side.

Once again, thanks for the reviews and support. I have another two stories in mind and will start one soon. Keep writing your stories, I look forward to them.

Love Junebug.


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